Use the (Patti) Force

In the last month or so a few of your friends and family would say, “Your mom was such a force in life…” That really stands out. Then again, I recall Dana saying, “you were such a strong presence that it’s almost like you’re all around us….” These are the times where some of us, maybe all of us, could use that Patti Pep Talk. The one that kicks us in the ass and open our eyes and stare towards the sun to know that we will wake up tomorrow and we will breathe again and have another chance at things. I wish they had cell phones in Heaven. Ha. I will take a little subtle sign like the ones I’ve been seeing. We need your help…even in the afterlife. I wish I could say more, but that’s all I can really discuss. Life isn’t any easier without you in it. I agree, you were not like all the other Moms. And from what I’ve heard, there’s a wide range of types. I guess that’s what you were put on this planet to do. That and make some great food. I can’t even remember the last meal you made for me. A lot of the meals we enjoyed out. I sure do remember that. Our last meal at the Erin. Two seafood combos. I think you had the scallops and crab cake. All I can remember, “Oh Bobby, I am so full…” And your customary coffee with every meal. It’s still cold here in the Tri-State area. Still a hint of winter not wanting to end her reign. The weather getting warmer in some way haunts me. I don’t want to replay last August at all. Now becoming my least favorite month of all. And things in 3’s. My birthday and your final days as you. Not sure how I can come to terms with any of that. People may say I hope you are peace now that your mom is in a better place; a nice thing to say, but also coming from a place that may not realize the pain of losing the most important person you’ve ever had in your life and had around for 99% of your life. And hell, the person who gave you life. It’s just hard to put together for those who haven’t experienced it. I was talking to a buddy I’ve known since I was 13 who lost both parents. He spoke about how it really took him down a dark time in his life. And how you really don’t feel the pain until you’ve had to endure it yourself. On the flip side I wish this on no one. Friend or enemy. Well. Don’t really have anyone I consider an enemy. Not enough to care about them to call them that anyway. I think we could all use some of your positivity in many different areas of our lives. I am really hoping and praying for good things to come in all aspects of our lives (personal, professional, financial, etc.) I am hoping for a lot of positive change that will have positive outcomes because I think at this point we have filled our bucket of sadness and anger. I know I have. Like my friend said, “this isn’t like you got cut, it’s not like a wound…it’s inside of you, it’s in you when you sleep….” I hope you get us all to better places in our lives. Maybe by the sea…..maybe just by each other….maybe wherever the sun is shining and we are around the great people in our lives. I miss you. Bobby

I just dropped this post in and just laughing cause I am thinking in terms of sports in Heaven and like you're like in the HOF. I keep thinking of opening day and you changing your profile pic to Chase...I'm the fuckin man...Texting me..."Ohhhhh...It's Opening Day.....Go Phil-Lees...Go Phil-Lees...No matter how old I get I will always be transported back to the summer days at The Can, Mom Mom and Pop Pop, Harry Kalas and Whitey calling the games on that little 10-12" TV sitting there on that fake wood covered cabinet...with the textured couch with the squares and the glass shades that we could wind with our hands and the Pet Rock sitting on the back and the one with the parents and the kids, the porch and that door I always liked locking with the funny circular lock, the glasses with yellow prints on them that I still see sold at the dollar store, the fiberglass shower that sounded like you were going to fall through if you stepped too hard around. I can see that trailer a thousand times and smile. I am SO lucky that I got to spend time there. Part of me wishes I chose to stay there when I chose to leave, but such is life....we had a lot of good times down there. I think that may be the heaven we would think of. Our safe spot. Our place to be free and think and feel and just be happy. When the campground got dark, every one of those trailers lit up with love and families and simple times filling hearts and bellies....a place cut off from the world so that we could make the world ours for a few days. I will not miss Mom Mom's sandwiches that when I always bit into them had sand in them. Ha. I am so happy I can write it all down here....I will be able to come here years, decades later, and read about it.