Showing posts from December, 2018

A Christmas Wish

If I could take away all the things I've ever received for Christmas to give me one gift for the rest of my life, I would just wish to spend time with you.....the you I remember. Today is hard. It is really hard to even move or be out and not think about you. We saw you yesterday. You opened your eyes. You even gave us a little smile. I know you're in there somewhere.....I think about you swimming in the ocean....trying to get back to the safety of the shore....with your kids...your grandkids...your sisters and brothers....your dad...your mom....your friends...I think of you seeing all of us waiting for you to come to shore....we see you out in the water.....just in one spot....Today and tomorrow will be hard without you....I truly feel like more than any other time.....Christmas and summertime are your times. They are you. I just can't make sense of it. I really can't. I came home last night and the light in my hallway was lit. A light that I've never once seen lig


It’s great to get private messages from all the friends and family you have touched. I can’t even count how many I have received over the past 20 weeks. It could be a story from their past, your past, the time you saw them last, the times you made them feel good about themselves, the time you were there for them at their low point, the time when you were there at their time of celebration, the time you held their baby the special way you do, the time you pinched their cheek, the time you told them a funny story about something, the time you gave their child their very own special nickname, the time you made them feel wanted, the time you made them feel loved, the time you made them feel like they were a part of you, the time you cooked them something, the time you bought them something, the time you sent them card(s), the times you just stopped by, the times you offered to do something with no pressure….I don’t even think that covers it. Oh wait, the time you went across the street to

Coffee and a butterfly

I don’t know if I ever wrote about the beautiful butterfly that flew over Dari and Ian at her ceremony on the beach. We felt it was you, as well as others who were there in spirit. It actually hung around for a while over Dari. Me and the girls looked at each other. Lam started welling up. It was bittersweet. Such a great day. I still don’t drink coffee. I have to to go get some breakfast food and laughing that I can’t really eat cereal any more but how much I used to eat in the morning as you drank your coffee. Oh how I loathed that smell. Ha. I remember you would always comment about how fast I scooped that cereal into my mouth. As if I would never eat again. “Slow down Bobby!” Makes me laugh today. Slow down. I really wish I slowed down more the last 10 years. The traveling. The trips. The city life. I guess, well, I always talked to you from wherever I was. DC, Fort Worth, Newport, Calgary, London, Boston, Chicago, Bloomington, San Diego, Las Vegas, Houston, Detroit, Baltimore, Nas

You are the gift to us.

Tonight at Fox Lisa setup Christmas decorations and a nice “scape”, just like you would. It really made the room feel a lot warmer. As the winter chill continues to be constant, our thoughts and hearts are always on you. Lisa got out some of the decorations you gave her over the years. I picked up a bag that said, “To: Nonna From: Your Skiddamarink”. Really hard to read. I sat next to you for a few hours. Just looking for a sign. A sign of anything. I miss all the life you literally brought to life. In the hardest of times throughout the years, you’ve been there. Never really judging, but always supporting. All the while I know you were struggling with your own stuff. I know you and I butted heads many times. I guess I was trying to be there for you and then got mad that I was spinning my wheels. You are so missed. Every day someone will say something or post something or tag me or share a memory. I know this will not get easier. The battle we have waged since September 6th, with getti