Showing posts from 2018

A Christmas Wish

If I could take away all the things I've ever received for Christmas to give me one gift for the rest of my life, I would just wish to spend time with you.....the you I remember. Today is hard. It is really hard to even move or be out and not think about you. We saw you yesterday. You opened your eyes. You even gave us a little smile. I know you're in there somewhere.....I think about you swimming in the ocean....trying to get back to the safety of the shore....with your kids...your grandkids...your sisters and brothers....your dad...your mom....your friends...I think of you seeing all of us waiting for you to come to shore....we see you out in the water.....just in one spot....Today and tomorrow will be hard without you....I truly feel like more than any other time.....Christmas and summertime are your times. They are you. I just can't make sense of it. I really can't. I came home last night and the light in my hallway was lit. A light that I've never once seen lig


It’s great to get private messages from all the friends and family you have touched. I can’t even count how many I have received over the past 20 weeks. It could be a story from their past, your past, the time you saw them last, the times you made them feel good about themselves, the time you were there for them at their low point, the time when you were there at their time of celebration, the time you held their baby the special way you do, the time you pinched their cheek, the time you told them a funny story about something, the time you gave their child their very own special nickname, the time you made them feel wanted, the time you made them feel loved, the time you made them feel like they were a part of you, the time you cooked them something, the time you bought them something, the time you sent them card(s), the times you just stopped by, the times you offered to do something with no pressure….I don’t even think that covers it. Oh wait, the time you went across the street to

Coffee and a butterfly

I don’t know if I ever wrote about the beautiful butterfly that flew over Dari and Ian at her ceremony on the beach. We felt it was you, as well as others who were there in spirit. It actually hung around for a while over Dari. Me and the girls looked at each other. Lam started welling up. It was bittersweet. Such a great day. I still don’t drink coffee. I have to to go get some breakfast food and laughing that I can’t really eat cereal any more but how much I used to eat in the morning as you drank your coffee. Oh how I loathed that smell. Ha. I remember you would always comment about how fast I scooped that cereal into my mouth. As if I would never eat again. “Slow down Bobby!” Makes me laugh today. Slow down. I really wish I slowed down more the last 10 years. The traveling. The trips. The city life. I guess, well, I always talked to you from wherever I was. DC, Fort Worth, Newport, Calgary, London, Boston, Chicago, Bloomington, San Diego, Las Vegas, Houston, Detroit, Baltimore, Nas

You are the gift to us.

Tonight at Fox Lisa setup Christmas decorations and a nice “scape”, just like you would. It really made the room feel a lot warmer. As the winter chill continues to be constant, our thoughts and hearts are always on you. Lisa got out some of the decorations you gave her over the years. I picked up a bag that said, “To: Nonna From: Your Skiddamarink”. Really hard to read. I sat next to you for a few hours. Just looking for a sign. A sign of anything. I miss all the life you literally brought to life. In the hardest of times throughout the years, you’ve been there. Never really judging, but always supporting. All the while I know you were struggling with your own stuff. I know you and I butted heads many times. I guess I was trying to be there for you and then got mad that I was spinning my wheels. You are so missed. Every day someone will say something or post something or tag me or share a memory. I know this will not get easier. The battle we have waged since September 6th, with getti

Swing Life Away

Pull up to Fox. We are here to talk about some things. It's a gray day. Kind of cold. Before anyone else pulls up, the song Swing Life Away comes on. It always resonated with me. It does even more now. Really never realize how lucky you are until it is gone. Or you do appreciate someone and are naive to believe that this won't be like this forever, but it won't be. After our meeting Kane and I went down to the stream and had a good little time walking along the water. It was nice. We talked about him seeing "wildlife" and a story about a snake. Happy times....even in sad times... This song reminds me of how you may have really wanted your life to play out with someone... Am I loud and clear, or am I breaking up? Am I still your charm, or am I just bad luck? Are we getting closer, or are we just getting more lost? I'll show you mine if you show me yours first Let's compare scars, I'll tell you whose is worse Let's unwrite these pages and

Made Up

I was laughing about how you used to have your little “prep” kit out when you got ready. Used to joke and call you “Mandy Make Up”. I know how hard work was on your hands and feet. Being on your feet so much your poor ankles and feet became weak and almost caused you to walk with a limp. I always wanted you to go and see someone for it. Regardless, you got around the tristate area with the best of them. And you kept on working. Your work ethic would rival any man or woman. You never stopped working. Even in retirement, you kept busy and working to bring money in. I know it really gave you a sense of freedom to have your own money and play by your rules. I recall your little clear bags that you had to use at Super Fresh or Shop Rite and for some reason you kept using them to carry you “fake” debit card. When the check would come I wouldn’t say anything just so I could get a kick out of your plastic bag and toy debit card. It always did make me feel good that you had your own money t

A Quiet Storm

With some snow supposed to hit us today, I was texting the girls about how much fun you used to have when it snowed. I would be playing on grant road with Sibbett, Sean, Joe, Chris and Lou while the girls would typically be playing in the front yard. I can see it in my mind. It’s cold outside, but warm inside….because of you. Always made our home warm and filled with love. I can see the old school green duck boots. Now back in style….I bet you’d be laughing and saying, “those are classics….never go outta style….” I can recall all the days and nights in the village when it would snow real good. A blanket of quiet white. To me, the snow would be 6-12” every winter when I lived there. Like it would just keep coming. I can recall coming downstairs from a good sleep, listening to 1060 spitting out number after number…and hoping to catch 464 and the morning rage would ensue. Ah. The good old days. You would be sitting at the kitchen table with your coffee and the paper (if it even got delive

Two Cents

Grabbed a Snickers bar last night after my work dinner. Always remember you would always surprise me as a kid, then as a young adult and then as an adult. You would always stop by and then magically pull one out of your pocketbook. It brought me back to a time when we were all kids living at 988. You didn't have much in the way of money, so we would literally look under the cushions for whatever change you could find and I could walk up to the Sev. The good old days when kids could run all over and not have to worry. It didn't matter how hot or cold it was, I would make the trek up to the top of Taylor. Probably with one of the neighborhood kids. It was like the best thing in the world. That's just how you are...always giving with whatever you could give. It means a lot to me as I am older and know that you did the best you could. I know you would've given us so much more if you had the means. Part of me is thankful that you didn't because I may have been as big as


Truly a beautiful fall morning today Mom. Got a chance to really see a great sky and the sun driving from Jersey into Philly. As I was coming under the South Street overpass and then passing 30th Street Station, I remembered that time you told me that you got lost in Center City for like 2 hours. I wanted to revoke your “Philly” card. I know it made you a little nervous, but you always made your way around the city like lightning. I remember us talking, I think the last time you were in my car and we discussed the fact that 676 connects 76 to 95 in a way. I knew that my message may not be getting through. I think we actually took a drive just to see that entrance. Ah. Make me laugh. You sure do get around in your little Pattimobile. Think that thing ran on coffee and Wawa pretzels. You definitely got around town….and all shore points south. We keep hoping that you will come back to us. No day gets any easier, but I think we take some solace in knowing you are somewhere safe, warm, and

My Ambassador of Goodwill

Hey Mom. Well, you’re finally up near us and closer to all of us now. Over there in Plymouth Meeting. It’s actually a nice place with lots of grass and trees. You’ve opened your eyes a few times, but still sleeping. Been thinking a lot lately. Just a lot about the last time we hugged and I saw you. It was the day before my birthday. We had a nice dinner at the Erin. I think we both got seafood combos. Of course you had coffee with your meal. We talked about things. Not everything was as positive as we both probably would’ve liked. You even had them bring out a little slice of cheesecake for me. I guess you thought I liked cheesecake, but I don't. You said have some and I said I didn't like it and I gave it to you. Who would've thought? We went outside and you and I talked in the alley and you gave me my gifts. A cool Sixers shirt and an Eagles hoody. Typically I am always critical before I am thankful. This time, the last time I got anything from you, I said I loved them. W