PattybytheSea

Sitting here trying to study stuff I am not really into today. I don’t know why I thought about it, but I remember our trip to Providence on our way to Newport. Really the first time I rode the train with you as an adult. I remember how proud of you I was for not even being the least bit worried or concerned about everything happening on our way up. The busyness of it all. That was a really great train ride. The time of year we went slips my mind. I know it was warm cause I had shorts and Asics on, but not sure how warm. I remember that we had a row basically all to ourselves, so something tells me we went on a day it was not busy. Part of me doesn’t even think we had to really sit together. I have this memory of us sitting together and we ate some lunch on there, but it’s not very vivid. I remember we got off in Providence and were again hungry. We got an uber or cab to the car rental place. I just remember leaving that tiny train station in Prov and we were dragging our carry-ons acr...

What can I really say. It sucks I can't take you out for your birthday. My day, well your day, started off bad. Stupid people at work blaming me for something out of my control. Instead of getting fired up....I thought, WWMD...What would Mom do? I think about how many times across your life, young and old, you faced adversity. I think a lot about your places of work and how you just wanted to "do your 8 and skate". More and more as I age, deal with idiots in Corporate America, I think of when you told me that. It really is great advice. I really wish you were here to celebrate your special day. I got sad today. I saw Pralle posted on your page and just broke down. I thought. My longtime friend took time out of his day to write that. I always really loved when he would call you Mrs. Malin. I can literally hear him say that SO many times. And a grin on dude's face when you asked him some question he knew he had to lie about. The dude literally is the worst liar I know. ...

How can we have fall and not think about you so much? I’ve gone back and forth with not wanting summer to end cause it went so quick and early on I didn’t see anything good coming out of it but alas it was good.   What I remember about fall….us going shopping for new clothes at the mall and Kmart or Bradlees. The rubber smell of pencil cases. Picking out our favorite lunchboxes. I’m almost sure I was still young enough to have a metal one and think it was Superman or Spider-Man. You shopping for the girls. All their little outfits. I think many from House of Bargains. I think you could get so much there. Remember fall cleaning as weather like today hit. It’s almost winter here. Remember many mornings coming down to eat cereal. Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops, Honeycombs, fruity pebbles. While you checked out the latest of the Delco times over cup of coffee and a few cigarettes. I would just sit there in my bowl of sugar and be quiet as I destroyed some food. The girls all coming and going...

Listening to some classic rock. I remembered that time you and I went to Clover by Penrose Plaza. Not sure why cause figured you wouldn’t wanna go there since you worked there. Maybe you were picking me up from a weekend at Nanny’s. It’s not hard to remember what happened but how it happened. I was looking at transformers and then I saw a gum ball machine and I started to take the gum balls out of the machine and put them in my pocket. I can legit remember the balding dark hair guy looking at me behind the entrance of the aisle. As soon as I put those gum balls in my pocket he snagged me. I was caught. Crying my eyes out. I mean I was like 10. He took me in some room and then asked my name and then called for the “mother of Bobby Malin”. I remember I had a blue hoody on. You showed up. He took it easy on me. But he did tell me that he could “call the police”. I don’t even remember what you said to him but I walked out a “free man”. I remember you in the car. “Bobby, you just can’t be d...

I  never wake up realizing what today is. I think from that day 4 years ago, my mind no longer remembers that as a “day”. I like to think of the life we shared. It has been a somewhat up and down summer. I laugh. I think of sand covered glass Pepsi bottles, “Florida” rooms covered in screen, old wood and turf, old ceramic ash trays, glasses with yellow glazed beach themes, styrofoam coolers, The Kenney Igloo, getting lunch meat, sand covered car floors, wrung out bathing suits drying, balled up towels with that scent of summer daze, a cold 6 pack, clothesline holding fresh whites summer bleached, a walk down Thames Street, a drive down Route 9, stopping in Dino’s, the turn by the hotel and the arts and crafts store, you and Kane at The Bitty, you and I out for dinner, the salt air of…Mexico, Newport, Ocean City, South Carolina, Sea Isle, the salt air in your heart, The Breakers, JFK, Pop Pop’s fishing rods and tackle box, the last project he and I did on the shed, my happiness over...

I  can’t tell you how much I miss you cause you won’t hear me. I can’t tell the sorrow Bia and I expressed over her not being able to share Lucy with you. I think of you two being little buddies and all you are missing out on. I don’t so much think of myself. I think of how much Dad misses you. I think of how much the house misses you. I get some hard tears at how much I miss you. My Lord. Seeing Kane be such a great big brother to Ace. Just the fact me and Bia living so close together in the same area and thinking “Mom would’ve liked us being this close”. I just wanted to hug you this weekend. I will always remember my b day dinner we had at The Erin. It’s somewhat heartbreaking cause I remember hugging you. So hard. And you said it was just a little something. I opened it. But then brought it home and never opened it again after what happened. I was just so heartbroken. I still am. I saw a picture of you celebrating a 21st with Nicole (how are you). It all went so fast. I miss yo...

That video was amazing. The songs and pictures are amazing. Seeing her with the little ones hits you. I never really talked to her about Tigers AC cause I didn’t know that part of her life. I felt bad that I didn’t visit her at home or ask her if she needed help. Until about 6-7 years in I felt I had a “place” next to your shop and could just stop in and I did every time she was up on her “perch”.  These two pictures are just so her.  As for the luncheon, I felt like I was starting to just get into a certain grieving mood that I couldn’t control. When I drove home after such a beautiful service it was very hard to contain myself. I’ve not been able to really put it down on paper and I said to Jackie. I said aloud. “Mom, when you see Mom Mom, just give her one of the warm hugs you always gave me cause mom mom is one helluva hugger” and I used to say she gave great cheek kisses.  After I said that driving home I came home and ate and had nothing emotionally left. I know the...

I got off macdade Blvd. came down Knowles Ave by the park and came to the “sound horn” bridge. I broke down. I remember so many times me and you or me and dad came through this area. I immediately thought of simpler times so long ago. I couldn’t control it but it was so nice out I just kept going and came to a beautiful street donned with American flags. Families in the park. I remember driving back through that area so many times. I think about it now. It’s such a small corny thing but it was such a memory we had. I came home from so many games and practices and food pickups. I think about how I used to touch the felt on whatever car we we’re driving. I would lay my hand flat to feel the seat. It could’ve been the sunbird’s rubber plastic, the Plymouth black peeling, the maroon of the mercury, the tan of the caprice classic or the tan of the wind star. I think of my hand touching them all some point in time. I would do it and just smile outside of the window. You couldn’t see my smile...

Today was so long. Now with Kathy also not here, almost twice as long. I haven’t been feeling well for a bit and I sat in all day. Thankful to have off tomorrow. It’s been cold and rainy and gray most of the weekend. Just strange for this time of year but it is what it is.   There’s so much you two are missing.     I couldn’t even write it all here. I always have thoughts of wanting to tell you this or that or tell you what I’m planning on doing or going or just anything. And I can’t. I can’t hardly bring myself to bring you up to the girls or dad cause it’s just heartbreaking.   I want to focus on the good that is the good parts of the past. Beth told me her and Chris and the kids were going to Erin Pub and I was thrust back to our last meal. In s good way. I only have a snap of the meal and not of us.    It would’ve taken exactly one minute to say “ma’am, can you get a picture of me and my mom?”. Done. Those are the things that hurt the most. The missed o...

I wish I could call you for some advice. In my mind you are so close but of course you are not here and I just sit alone in my car or on my couch and ask you to guide me and help me through the tough times. The times o question everything. I joked with Theresa after telling her I came down with Covid. I said. It was such a beautiful day today. I have so many memories of coming home from delcroft or Ashland or AP. Cold but warm spring days and windows open, the fresh vapor of windex and pledge coming out of the house. I would know cause all the windows would be open. I would always laugh cause I knew it was your thing.   It’s been a crazy last few weeks. Got to Newport for a much needed staycation. Worked there and just had a few moments. Legit walked right to the dock at night after chowder at the Black Pearl. I felt like a local at this point. Alone but not alone. Some kind hearted couple found out is was my first bowl ever and they picked up the tab. Fish tacos at Benjis. Lobster...

There's this new program on Discovery called The Food That Built America. They start talking about a donut shop in Winston Salem and another in Quincy, Mass. Here it was Krispy Kreme and Dunkin Donuts. I was laughing. Saying Mom would get a kick out of this show. All about food and such good stories. I remember you would bring these "wet" donuts back from different stores you worked at. They were always so good. They would be in the white boxes with the green decorations and green writing. Looking back it must've been the 90's you started bringing them home. I remember another box that were really good you couldn't eat just one. I remember the krispy kreme ones cause they were just so different. Nothing we had ever had. I also remember what I thought were wet donuts, but that's how they were made. It stinks that all the memories we have with you are set in stone and new ones will never be made. We really could've used you just about every day the last ...

  Your words of encouragement or persuasion in a sense were always so timely and great. "Don't you pay them no mind..." "You are going to do great....and if you don't, it's not the end of the world..." How I do wish so many times the last few years I could hear those comments. Most of the time it was a case of just being on the phone with you and you saying something. "It's goin to be ok...you're goin to be ok..." "If they don't appreciate you, move on to someone/somewhere that will..." "You wanna go with me (fill in some thing you were doing that day/week/month), it will help take your mind of that..." I think of how many times things may have been tough or things didn't work out how you imagined and how you mentally transported yourself to somewhere. I am laughing now cause with five kids and a husband, the five of us sure did yap a lot. I wonder sometimes, if we asked you enough questions. Lik...

I  may have told you this one but not sure. When I moved into this apt I’m in now, I told my mom I was gonna get a real bed. Up til then I had done futons. So I’m like yeah just gonna get the mattress and toss it down and that’s it. She goes….”ewwwwwwwww. You can’t do that…you need a box spring. Just get one.” I’m like mom, it’s not like that here. She’s like, “like what? People have been using them for 100’s of years. You have to get one Bobby. If you don’t people will think you don’t have class.” Every time I see that box spring now I think about that. I was like whatever mom. I’m not getting one. Sure enough I get to the store and they offer one for free so I was like yeah. Hahahahah. I still had it when I moved.  Wish you were here. You’re missing all the fun with these two crazy cats. We miss you. 

 Finishing a book about Lou Gehrig. This quote was applied to him after the country lost another great American. Just seemed perfect for him....and you. I swapped words out for you. "Death had to take her sleeping; for if she had been awake, there would have been a fight..." Live look at the 9th St beach. I hope you like it..hope you're there...walking.   

I know I could have saved your ashes to put into the ocean, but I wanted you to have the journey, all the way with the currents, to the open sea. And I know that when I finally get to see the waves washing on the shore, to hear them, I will feel you there. - Ava Dellaira

I hope you enjoy my writings about my mom. She was an absolutely great human being who loved her family, her life, her friends, Mother Nature, and just smiling with people. She is sorely missed, but I enjoy writing about her. I hope there is someone in your life you can think of that makes you feel good.  Always remember to forget t he troubles that passed away. But never forget to remember t he blessings that come each day.  -Irish Blessing Bob

 

Picked my phone up at 4:44am. I’m gonna have to look that number up now. Part of me wishes technology wasn’t so accessible but then where would I have to create. I keep thinking about how hard you fought for Pop Pop to get better after his fall. How much we fought for you after your incident. How much Kathy fought to survive. That cycle that ended….but a fight nonetheless. It confuses me. It is sad to have witnessed it 3 times in what seems like such a short amount of time in life.  4:44...As mentioned above, the most-cited meaning of the 444 is that you are being  guided by angels . In that reading, the number 444 is a sign from heaven to let you know that there are angels around you,  watching over you, guiding your path, and protecting you . The angel number 444 has shown up for many people around the world, often at 4:44 in the morning.   I was in the Target near where I live, where Bia lives. I imagine you coming to see us and just walking around enjoying...

I was talking with Nancy about all your stays down the shore. I was talking about when you and Pop Pop lived in the place at 3rd and Asbury. I really loved that place. It wasn’t big but it was so perfect for you, him and the girls. I remember just seeing it and then going out back to that little back deck and how perfect it was. I wish Lisa and Bia had been home permanently that summer to enjoy it. It was such a cool little spot. I was thinking back about it and when I would drive from AC to OC to come stay with you all. Haha. Part of me knows you loved living there but I know it was such a stressful time going back and forth to Delco to work. I don’t know if you were working up there but I know Pop Pop was running the shop still. I can’t imagine that commute from the shore to collingdale a few days a week. I’m not sure what either of you were thinking. The stress hurts me to think of for both of you. I know staying at 3rd and Asbury made it all worth it. There was always...

It's cold and windy out today Mom. The wind howling as we were supposed to get snow today. Of course I thought about so many times growing up. Today was one of those days you expected snow the whole day, but yet none came. None I saw anyway. I wanted to call you before my first day today. I wanted to hear your voice of excitement. That excitement few people can harbor for someone else changing jobs/lives/etc. I visited Malin when she was home for Thanksgiving. I don't recall that I wrote about this. I drove through the Erin parking lot and just slowly passed by the last spot we last spent time face to face. That time is so close, yet so much has changed since that time....literally days before your "last" day. It's a very vivid memory. It's always in the front of my head. Everything I did during that meal. People around us enjoying their meals. Us just having small talk. It's so weird today that was the last time I saw you. It's almost so sad it's ...