PattybytheSea

That night...of my birthday. Such a nice time. At the Erin. I really never told many people about it. We had such a nice dinner. I think we both had like surf & turf meals. Think I had the steak and a crab cake and a beer. I know I have a picture of it somewhere. I can remember it so vividly coming out to your car. You were just like "I got you a little something...." A hoodie and a Sixers shirt. I wore the hoody for this years Super Bowl Parade. I wore it proudly. I gave you a big hug and we parted ways. I really didn't think much of the next few hours. I got home to my apt in Manayunk. I called you to make sure you were ok. Vividly, on the phone, you said, "there's no one here...you should've just packed a bag and stayed here.....there's no one here." I really just didn't focus on it much at the time. After the fact, I felt so bad. I wondered how alone you were. I wondered why I hadn't just gone to the house with you, I wondered why why...

We've been talking about you so much lately. I bet your ears are ringing. From pics to "mommy or your mother would do this....", it's been a lot about you. I wish I could tell you how much you're missed. I wish I could wish you back into our lives.....to see Kane growing up, Ace's awesomeness and go to see Taylor Swift impersonator with Lucy. It's crazy....I no longer think about what I am missing out on with you being gone, I miss what they're missing (tears). I miss you being their buddy. I totally saw you next to Lucy at the show Bia was at tonight....laughing....dancing.....a "girl's night". Of course it's super positive, but something missing. I talked with Sibb last night about a lot of stuff we grew up with. Just lessons learned and how we are today and why. I just don't really get how people can go through so much loss, so much hurt and not change for the better...or at least realize what they're doing wrong that hurts...