Dirty Clothes

Right now you’d be calling me on your way home and asking what I was doing. I would say working Mom. I work from home. I would typically ask you to stop by to go out to get some food, but you would always say you were dirty from work and try to go home and then come back out. Always the extra trips. You probably drove 30,000 miles a year. I understand why you did. I do. Always wanted to visit or stop by someone’s house, go to Marshalls, Ross, Acme, etc. Like Bia would say, “you’re just gonna pop in….no pressure….” Ah Mom. How I would love a visit right now. I know we live life, but the more I live, the more I do know that time is spent wasted. Wasted arguing, on the internet, on our phones, looking at houses/clothes/cars/beaches/products/etc. I guess that’s life. I guess that’s what it is. I definitely would LOVE to take back any time I wasted in 2018. Heck any time I wasted ever. I guess a lot of people say that, but I know we had a lot of special time. Not time that didn’t mean anything. I guess that’s why we have so many great memories and now I have over 53 pages written about you. Many people spend so much time running from their place in life, but you really cherished it and owned it. I realize that now. Even me, I can say I wish I was here or there, this beach or that mountain, that country or that state. You, you wanted to be here, with your family and friends and I know that nothing could stop such a powerful force of love and care. I also know sometimes we probably got on your last nerve, but hey, that’s what kids do to parents right. I am happy we all made it through our schooling. I know that made you proud. I am happy we all became hard workers in different professions. I am happy that Lisa and Bia went to California and experienced living there. I am happy they came back to you. I am happy that you were able to visit Chrissy and Lam in different places. I know that their coastal lives always carried a piece of you with them and vice versa. I remember the conversation we had about you going to Chrissy’s that one time. I was stopped down the road from Blackthorne after visiting everyone. I remember being very clear that we would get you your place at the beach. Ah, I wish you took me up on my offers to live down there. I think you could’ve been a lot happier. At peace and calm. I know you are there now. Although today, I got a sign from you. I would post a picture of it, but don’t want my account numbers out there on the world wide web. In my checking account the number 988. In my credit card account, the number 988. That has never ever happened. EVER. And today, I talked to Beth. While we were in church and most of us sobbing like babies about everything, I looked over and saw Aunt Bootsie. Uncle Harry was sitting right next to her in a white shirt and white shorts and socks up to the middle of his shins. His beautiful white hair shining. Instead of a big smile, he just gave me this happy grin. Like, “Bobby, I will take care of your mom in Heaven….” I turned back around and looked again and he was gone. He was sitting right next to Aunt Bootsie. I keep smiling about seeing him….knowing that such a happy and great man will be next to you in Heaven along with your Dad, Mom and John. Today I got back to work and a little normalcy. I was gonna take the whole week, but I just couldn’t. It wasn’t what I felt like I was supposed to do. Like Steve Stock said to me in line, people will assume they know how this must feel, but no one really knows until you go through it and they truly don’t. I have finally washed away all those opinions in my head. The things I heard from the know-it-alls who really never even knew me. Just a lot of talk. Now I know they’re just all talk. No walk. Heck, you’ve seen and done more than them! It’s all good. You can’t please everyone and you sure as hell shouldn’t die trying to please people with bad intentions. I hope at some point I was able to tell you that it was ok to protect yourself. I love you Mom. See you when I see you.

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