Showing posts from March, 2019

Sun in the citee

Funny thing happened at work today and I wanted to call you immediately. Like I legit said, “Oh, Mom is gonna crack up at this…” And I stopped and it hit me again. It’s like day is going good, it’s sunny out, windows open (you know how I love the cold) and BAM! Smacked in the side of the head with sadness. That person you called when you wanted to share some good news or a funny story; not there. I guess I can still tell you. I guess I can still do that. I hope you’re enjoying yourself in Heaven. I didn’t want to think about it when she said it, but Lisa’s right, I wonder what your first day in Heaven was like. I hope to God you are getting all the negative out of our life. We need a back hoe to get it out. It’s hard to even be happy around birthdays or holidays. It’s like they’re strange or something. You always did so much for birthdays and holidays. You literally went the extra mile…..for so many people. I was just reading the candle holder post from Beth and just really emoti

Use the (Patti) Force

In the last month or so a few of your friends and family would say, “Your mom was such a force in life…” That really stands out. Then again, I recall Dana saying, “you were such a strong presence that it’s almost like you’re all around us….” These are the times where some of us, maybe all of us, could use that Patti Pep Talk. The one that kicks us in the ass and open our eyes and stare towards the sun to know that we will wake up tomorrow and we will breathe again and have another chance at things. I wish they had cell phones in Heaven. Ha. I will take a little subtle sign like the ones I’ve been seeing. We need your help…even in the afterlife. I wish I could say more, but that’s all I can really discuss. Life isn’t any easier without you in it. I agree, you were not like all the other Moms. And from what I’ve heard, there’s a wide range of types. I guess that’s what you were put on this planet to do. That and make some great food. I can’t even remember the last meal you made for me. A

Song to the Siren

I listen to this and think of you... Song to the Siren Long afloat on shipless oceans I did all my best to smile 'Til your singing eyes and fingers Drew me loving to your isle And you sang Sail to me Sail to me Let me enfold you Here I am Here I am Waiting to hold you Did I dream you dreamed about me? Were you here when I was forced out Now my foolish boat is leaning Broken lovelorn on your rocks For you sing, "Touch me not, touch me not, come back tomorrow Oh my heart, Oh my heart shies from the sorrow" Well I'm as puzzled as the newborn child I'm as riddled as the tide Should I stand amid the breakers? Or should I lie with death, my bride? Hear me sing, "Swim to me, swim to me, let me enfold you Here I am, here I am, waiting to hold you" Song to the Siren

Candle Holders

From till doesnt feel real...its so weird i was thinking about her last night and it was just out of nowhere but i thought about these pillar christmas candle holders and candles that she gave me for christmas years about 10 years ago...i put them out every year and they are beautiful and every year when i put them out for christmas, i always thought of her and how beautiful they are...because christmas was always about the kids and i would have open house parties at my house on christmas eve and her, your dad and i really didnt exchange gifts, but they always had something for malin and one year she brought over an extra box for me and i said, "Pat, what the hell are you doing, you shouldnt have done that" because i didnt have anything in return to give her but she said" i just saw them and thought of you. i know how much you like to decorate for christmas and i thought they would look beautiful on top of your amoire' and i wanted to drop them off to you b

Confidence is a stain they can't wipe off

I was talking to one of the cousins and trying to pump them up for a job interview and here I am saying the same things you would say to me. “You’ll do great. Why wouldn’t they want someone like you? If they don’t hire you, you’ll find something even better. You’re gonna do fine….don’t worry. It’s just a job, not your entire life….” Laughing cause I am trying to calm them down and thinking of you trying to calm me down when I had interviews or what not. I remember the last interview I had. It was a beautiful beach day and just you and I hanging down Strathmere. I took the hour or so call in my car. With the windows rolled up it must’ve been like 110 degrees in there. Sitting there answering questions as quickly as I can so I can get my ass out of that car and on to the beach. I knew that if things didn’t go well, that I had some other offers on the table, so there wasn’t much to lose. I remember the sweat just beading off of my head. I remember the questions all being pretty easy and j