PattybytheSea

Ok. Dad did a great job. We all had full bellies. We blew out two cakes. I went into my old room, now your room. I told you I missed you, I touched your box of ashes. I reflected for seconds. I looked at the shells on the bed spread. I thought about the beach. I thought about your hugs. Laughs. I was visiting Malin, Beth, Aunt Bootsie…turned out to be a great time with Kathy and all the Fehrle girls getting all of Mal’s old dolls. I left, sun down, passing the Erin. The last place I was physically with you. This is super hard to type without crying…so I am crying. I slowly drove in, then I replayed that day. We walked out from a great meal. You went to your car and got the bag from Rally House. Tissue paper exploding. Always same comment. “It’s just a little something….” I was so happy to get that Sixers shirt and Eagles hoody. Perfect. The type of hug I gave you that day. I could’ve cracked your spine. I picked you up off that ground as if, as if, as if…..it was….our last hug. From m

I am writing now while it’s still fresh in my head. My oh my. You would’ve been so proud of everyone tonight. Well maybe everyone but me. Haha. The clan really outdid themselves. Lisa brought the desserts, Dad got enough food from Folcroft Pizza to feed a small army, he got treats like you did, he even had gifts for the birthday boys and girls. I made an effort to go see Aggie….talk to her about seeing Mr. and Mrs. Sibbett. Mr. Sibbett telling me more dirty jokes in 30 mins than I heard the last 20 years. Mrs. Sibbett telling me, “Bawbee…you’ve been on some adventures…you’re always going somewhere, but we are glad you’re back…” Me seeing Erica and her husband, Mark DeVaco, who I always enjoyed talking to. We had a great time. For first time in a long time, I felt back…with people not being blood. Sunday morning I picked up Pop. We learned some folks in the family were sick. We talked. Then we locked ourselves out. I walked around front and thankfully Steven was literally standing righ

I remember the day I went to Bed, Bath and Beyond. I needed a new iron. I got some name brand. I still have it. Rowenta! Off topic, Jason & Madison's wedding was a blast. Truly was a spectacular time. It was truly a family affair. Everything really went well. We all had so much fun. Small, intimate, close, fun. It all went by so fast, but got some quality time with the bros up in the room. Just time I think we all needed. Jason looked like Dapper Dan. I really wanted to think "what would Mom say to Jason on such a special day?" I know you would've loved his suit and her dress. Both looked amazing. I visualized you hugging him and hugging her. Me, you, Dad sharing some laughs. You, Kathy having a laugh. Brigitte and you having a smoke outside in the rain talking about something funny. It really was just a great day. I really wish you could've been there.  I dropped that iron the day I bought it. You always wanted me to bring it back and I never did. I kept the

I woke up this morning....to a scene...of us at the MacDade Ruby's. It was just so real feeling. I felt like you and I were sitting at a table there and just enjoying the time. I could feel your prescence right close to me. It was like we just walked in and were being shown our table. I remember those little brown booths with the light nearby. Typically, sit down, then just get right back up to get your salad. It was just so close to feeling you there. You sure did love going there. Ha. I think in one way you felt fancy going there...even if it was on MacDade Blvd. Always do that one app I can't think of, something and artichoke dip. ah. I can't remember. Then the tried and true quesadillas. hahahahahhaha. You would always people watch. My God. Ha. I knew you just liked seeing people of all types. Come in, you would smile. If they were, um, someone you would think I would find atypical, your eyes would open up wide and you would grin. Knowing that I wanted to say something,

There are things I can understand and then some things I just ask why? You fought the good fight Aunt Kath. I write through tears at the thought of a    human being fighting for her life and her only worry is that she was letting her family down by passing on. You were always a true compliment to just about any meal, any coast, any beach, any beer (blueberry on Thames St), any Caribbean cruise, any “can” or “biscuit” in Seaville Shores, any flower show and magical trip to our other shore town, Newport, Rhode Island. As the closest counterpart to mom besides Mom Mom, you literally were always there for us.    In 44 years I never once questioned your love and devotion to my family and after life threw us the ultimate curve ball, you were there to listen, to cry and then, to laugh back at life and maybe an occasional “go pound sand” at the big guy. I hope there is joy when you see Pop Pop and Mom Mom, John and Mom. I hope you all enjoy some sandy sandwiches over some tears and laughs on a

 I am just trying to get the stuff I will wear in winter to be out being packed. It will be here soon. Haha. Anyhow. I’ve worn this hoody a handful of times. Only on special days. This and a Sixers tee are the last gifts mom got me. Mind you. There is a chance it’s never been washed cause I don’t wear it much. Anyhow. I’ve never used the middle pocket. I just don’t on this one. I reached inside the middle pocket and I’m like what is inside of here. It was sand. Sand. Since my b day is in summer I imagine mom had sand in her car or whatever and it was blowing around and got in the pocket. I had to sit down and just enjoy that. I sure know it didn’t come from me cause I don’t wear it in summer and don’t recall wearing it down the beach in the winter.

I was wrapping a bowl of tuna fish with some foil cause I didn’t have any saran wrap. Who the hell came up with such a strange name to call it that? Haha. The foil was popping off the top cause, well, it was a plastic bowl and it was in the fridge. I looked down and laughed. I said out loud, “you would probably put a rubber band around that bowl to keep it on and not think twice…” It’s about 8am, Friday, rainy, gray. I am getting through a transition of sorts; I hope to be the first of many. I definitely didn’t expect such a thing like shingles, but here we are. I wondered if at the most stressful times, did you have any outbreaks like this. I learned that I need to really separate myself from things. I know you and I talked about this many times. I don’t really know what the type of stress I put on myself does to my brain, but your passing is a cautionary tale of stress and worry. I said it to the ER nurse. When I started getting the shooting pains in the left side of my head and by