PattybytheSea

 I don’t know why but even though it’s snowed many places I’ve lived, whenever it snows I think of the time I spent at Edgehill. When it would snow on that street, it was like the world was quiet and peaceful. I would remember driving home from Vanguard. What I thought were confusing and lonely years of my life actually turned out to be some great years. I would drive that long ride from Malvern. Grab some dinner at ACME. It was always a long ride with snow. Maybe 2-3 hours. I would usually go down the alley and then head up the street to find a spot. The door would be open. A dim yellow hue and steam on the front door glass. I can still see Pop Pop’s legs on the chair. Maybe watching the news or some program. I would walk in the door and he would say “there he is”....and I would drop whatever I had on the countertop and just decompress. We would watch tv and talk about anything. No pressure. Just relief that I didn’t have to be someone I wasn’t. He understood me. Not that many don’t.

I keep remembering back to our train ride up to RI. It was such a nice time. It all went by so quick and it makes me sad to realize that. Not that I didn't enjoy the heck out of all our trips...I just wish we did so many more. I wish we had less stress in our lives. I wish we could've just enjoyed our free time more without drama or stress or worrying about money. Always about the money. I think about how much time we spent together, alone, as a family, etc. I stop those moments in my head. Those moments have no death in them. Those moments live on forever. Those moments don't go to an ICU. Those moments don't go to a nursing home. Those moments don't end up in a funeral home. Those moments....are us....our family...living on forever. Maybe that is Heaven. Living with those you love forever. I get sad thinking how long it will be before I will see you again. It makes me cry. I don't mind being vulnerable. I just get sad thinking of you in any pain. In a weird wa