Showing posts from August, 2019

I hope you're at the sea

I was in an uber the other day. Heading down to meet Jason at a concert. It was hot and he didn’t turn the AC on. I just about zonked out cause of the heat and the monotony of the ride. I remember taking that same route so many times to go to DC for “work”. I think about all the time I spent down there which inevitably was a waste of my time for the most part. Aside from meeting a few good people, not the best use of time. I remember that I would typically get a text from you either before I left or when I woke up in DC hours later. Always have a safe trip. Call me later. Always caring about me getting there safely. This past weekend was full of a lot of emotions. We passed you on to the sea. While I know it only has part of you, I truly know you are with God….and are one of his busiest angels. It has been somewhat fallish here with the temps in the 70’s and even 60’s. It’s relaxing. Windows open. I can imagine you, as you did so many falls, cracking the windows open to give the house

Something Missing…

Hi Mom. It’s a beautiful morning today. Almost feels like fall. I know you would be irked cause you wouldn’t want summer to end. In some ways I want it to be over. In others, I do not. I thought about this day and the following days a lot this summer. Always in front of me and bearing down on my time. I can’t even write enough about everything we missed out on this past year that you’ve been gone. As someone recently said, “you left us all behind….” Another person said to me that God takes the great ones. I truly believe that has to be the case. I guess I know that there are so many people that have so much love for you, really just the person you were to them maybe more than the person you were overall. As my mom, and as your firstborn, the pain seems to linger, like a wound that doesn’t close, but always has a Band-Aid on it. I will tell you I woke up with a lot more energy today than I did the last two days. Maybe because this day is really here. I wonder what your last day rea

The Last Time

It was a year ago today. This will be really tough. A year ago today. We were about to meet up at the Erin and have my birthday dinner. I even have the texts from July 31 st , about some things we were talking about. You were making strides. You wanted to discuss some things. You felt you were heading in the right direction. I met you at the Erin. We both got seafood combos. I told you that I could just take my insulin at the table now. I can’t believe it now. I never, EVER, could’ve imagined that would be the last time I would see you and know you actually saw me. I can’t believe it would be the last time we would talk face to face. Man. It’s hard to even type this without breaking down. I can’t believe that would be our last meal. I am happy we had a good one. We talked. It was just you and I. As it has been decades before. As was common, we differed on opinions on topics years old, but we tabled them for the moment of celebration. I wish I could go back to that day. Tell you, Mo