I got dreams

 

Your words of encouragement or persuasion in a sense were always so timely and great. "Don't you pay them no mind..." "You are going to do great....and if you don't, it's not the end of the world..." How I do wish so many times the last few years I could hear those comments. Most of the time it was a case of just being on the phone with you and you saying something. "It's goin to be ok...you're goin to be ok..." "If they don't appreciate you, move on to someone/somewhere that will..." "You wanna go with me (fill in some thing you were doing that day/week/month), it will help take your mind of that..." I think of how many times things may have been tough or things didn't work out how you imagined and how you mentally transported yourself to somewhere. I am laughing now cause with five kids and a husband, the five of us sure did yap a lot. I wonder sometimes, if we asked you enough questions. Like one of those things young kids or grandkids do on their mom or dad, grandmom or grandpop. Where you born? What did you want to be when you grew up? What do you love most about your life? I know we have that one you did..Maybe it was for Kane's preschool. I wish I asked you more questions about you as a young person; now that I see your Prendie pic. The one with John is just really great. I think about that young adult, well, teenager. What was she thinking about her future? What did she dream about? What were her hopes and dreams? Part of me thinks you would've been one heck of an inventor. Always coming up with ideas to improve or create something. Never forget the seatbelt. Haha. Continued after a few weeks. I think about all your ideas. Your dreams. I wish you could've had an outlet to just let them out. I got to the shore this past weekend. Albeit later than I wanted, I got a chance to take a ride to the beach. Took a nice spill riding my bike. Thankfully landed in sand so no worries. It was dark, but took some pictures and they came out pretty cool. AC is definitely different. Philly seems to be taking a large cut from their biz. Not that we went there much. Brig was very quiet and as you say cozy. It's hard to not think of you where you wanted to be so much. You definitely should've had a spot there. Even today, it's doable. Maybe not buying. You would be going nuts at real estate prices right now. Not even realistic for normal folks. I guess that's the beach. Thankfully you can't actually "buy" the beach. hahaa. You're so missed. I asked for guidance and some luck the last week or so. I will ask again cause got another test coming up. Things are definitely so very different these days .In every way and shape. Pop and Nan are living apart, but they still have that connection over the phone and see each other when they can. I am lucky to be close to both of them. Right around the corner. I don't miss the city at all. Part of me wishes I didn't spend that much time there at all cause anything I built was easily dismissed. I know you did like driving there and parking your little car right around the corner. I never really got how you managed to get that same spot all the time. I wish we had so many more visits there. I forgot how many times we would go to Toni Roni's and have dinner up there and just sit and chat. I remember how nice it would be when you visited. Always lugging around your cleaning caddy in the car....but then your clear bag of stuff. Grab your atm card that I always thought was fake. Mom, things are so different with you gone. You had so much more to do here. You had so many more dreams. You had so much love and positivity to give, but part of me is happy you haven't had to deal with a lot of the bullshit the last few years cause in some senses, that's all it has been. I sincerely could not imagine you wasting away and sitting at home without the ability to do stuff. When I look back it makes me laugh that people thought they would die just passing people. I know you would have a laugh at the ridiculousness of it. And from one drama to another these days. I literally just miss those days in the trailer, put the phone down and not worrying about all the drama that seems to just be wasting our lives. I am happy you don't have to go through it. I had a dream the other night. I was on the steps with all the delcroft people and someone said, look at my phone, I have a video of your family. And I was like how do you have a phone that can take a video. And dad was mowing the lawn in a blue shirt and the person says, "look further..." and you were on the steps, in white shorts, I don't know what color shirt...and you're reading the delco times. You're not looking up. You're just looking through it. The sun was setting...it was almost making the sky orange. I could draw it if I could draw. We miss you Mom. Same with Kathy. We miss both of you. If losing one wasn't hard enough, the other was taken....and we are left with memories.....and dreams. Bobby



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