Another day.

Today was so long. Now with Kathy also not here, almost twice as long. I haven’t been feeling well for a bit and I sat in all day. Thankful to have off tomorrow. It’s been cold and rainy and gray most of the weekend. Just strange for this time of year but it is what it is. 

There’s so much you two are missing.  I couldn’t even write it all here. I always have thoughts of wanting to tell you this or that or tell you what I’m planning on doing or going or just anything. And I can’t. I can’t hardly bring myself to bring you up to the girls or dad cause it’s just heartbreaking. 

I want to focus on the good that is the good parts of the past. Beth told me her and Chris and the kids were going to Erin Pub and I was thrust back to our last meal. In s good way. I only have a snap of the meal and not of us.  It would’ve taken exactly one minute to say “ma’am, can you get a picture of me and my mom?”. Done. Those are the things that hurt the most. The missed opportunities I will never be able to have a second chance to fulfill.  It still doesn’t feel real. I was talking to Gretel about you and her mom. It is especially hard cause the pain is shared but tolerated. I feel as bad about their loss as ours. 

I wish I could’ve hugged you so very hard today. I wish I could’ve felt your Pat on the back, or your walk by, your thoughts on anything, bringing up the Sixers randomly. I miss our old life. Even if things weren’t perfect or easy, we enjoyed our time together. I know others have lost what we lost. I hope we can all just remember how special so many of our loved ones are and how they flow through us….every day.


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