Fall In

How can we have fall and not think about you so much? I’ve gone back and forth with not wanting summer to end cause it went so quick and early on I didn’t see anything good coming out of it but alas it was good. 

What I remember about fall….us going shopping for new clothes at the mall and Kmart or Bradlees. The rubber smell of pencil cases. Picking out our favorite lunchboxes. I’m almost sure I was still young enough to have a metal one and think it was Superman or Spider-Man. You shopping for the girls. All their little outfits. I think many from House of Bargains. I think you could get so much there. Remember fall cleaning as weather like today hit. It’s almost winter here. Remember many mornings coming down to eat cereal. Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops, Honeycombs, fruity pebbles. While you checked out the latest of the Delco times over cup of coffee and a few cigarettes. I would just sit there in my bowl of sugar and be quiet as I destroyed some food. The girls all coming and going getting dressed. Chrissy most likely had a her tactical pack ready the night before. She may have even been fully dressed and her shoes on the side of the bed ready for her death march to Delcroft. For some reason I don’t really recall many of my book bags except the blue and black one from Saint Gabes. That’s somewhat weird. I always remember that picture of you walking Lisa to school. How happy you were. Will need to find it. Remember coming back and sitting on the couch after such a “tough” day. I don’t know why I tortured myself to 7-8 more years. I remember staying home sometimes. I remember being worried about going to the bus stop after getting in fights. I never shared with you. I remember being scared but keeping it in. I remember all the girls gathering their getups for school. Remember just trying to scrape some money together for a ice cream sammich after lunch. I remember getting to Delcroft early to play football. I don’t remember you holding my hand on my way to kindergarten. I know that must’ve been special. We have a picture of that Halloween pic. I wonder if you took it. I remember you running out when I got dropped off that fateful day from St. Gabe’s. So crazy. I can always see you doing fall cleaning on the window sills when I would come home. Red curtains just blowing in the wind or down. You all up on the ledge. I remember the door halfway open with your arm on it and then your hand in the air waving. 

Forever in my heart and head I can see your face smiling and waving to me leaving. In all my cars. A friends car. A teammate. You are so very missed mom. Our time went by in a blink of an eye it seems. 



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