I wish I could call you for some advice. In my mind you are so close but of course you are not here and I just sit alone in my car or on my couch and ask you to guide me and help me through the tough times. The times o question everything. I joked with Theresa after telling her I came down with Covid. I said. It was such a beautiful day today. I have so many memories of coming home from delcroft or Ashland or AP. Cold but warm spring days and windows open, the fresh vapor of windex and pledge coming out of the house. I would know cause all the windows would be open. I would always laugh cause I knew it was your thing. 

It’s been a crazy last few weeks. Got to Newport for a much needed staycation. Worked there and just had a few moments. Legit walked right to the dock at night after chowder at the Black Pearl. I felt like a local at this point. Alone but not alone. Some kind hearted couple found out is was my first bowl ever and they picked up the tab. Fish tacos at Benjis. Lobster roll at Gad Lamp. No Brick Alley but a beer to end the night at Buskers. All the old haunts. I felt home. 

I think if you often. Out of nowhere Colucci sent me a picture I had never seen. I had seen so many pics from the ones she took, but none of us together frontal and even sound. I was steamrolled. She sent me all of them and I could see which ones I had never seen. It was SO good to hear your voice. Hear your laugh. See us with family and friends. I have them forever. It was hard to see both you and Kitty. Hugging Kitty so tight in one. I never got the chance to say goodbye to her and hug her for real towards the end. It is all too much to process. It’s just so family. So friends. So simple. Like we didn’t know how important that night was so many of us. I wish I just hit pause. Me, you, Jason, Timmy, Kathy, Matt, Nanny, girls, dad, friends. I so want it back. 

We are doing our best mom. We miss you so much. I wish you could see how well the girls are doing. I’m managing. Not sure what the next move is but excited about summer. Already making plans to travel. See people. See friends I know who have also suffered like we have. Not in a bad way but in a celebration way. 

I will try to keep up better. That damn Rowenta you told me to take back still works but it leaks all the time and I laugh cause you told me to bring it back. I’m glad I have so much from when you were with us. It’s stupid but it generates memories. 

I wish you could see all the activities the kids and cousins are into. They’re all over. I am so proud of them. I wish you were here to see it. 

We had a nice Easter but two people were missing. Well The girls did a great job. I did nothing but ate. Hha. 

Love you Mom. We miss you. 


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