You would've been 65 today...

What can I really say. It sucks I can't take you out for your birthday. My day, well your day, started off bad. Stupid people at work blaming me for something out of my control. Instead of getting fired up....I thought, WWMD...What would Mom do? I think about how many times across your life, young and old, you faced adversity. I think a lot about your places of work and how you just wanted to "do your 8 and skate". More and more as I age, deal with idiots in Corporate America, I think of when you told me that. It really is great advice. I really wish you were here to celebrate your special day. I got sad today. I saw Pralle posted on your page and just broke down. I thought. My longtime friend took time out of his day to write that. I always really loved when he would call you Mrs. Malin. I can literally hear him say that SO many times. And a grin on dude's face when you asked him some question he knew he had to lie about. The dude literally is the worst liar I know. Maybe it was, "hey Pralle, you guys staying out of trouble? you keeping an eye on my son? is he breaking any hearts up there? you gonna keep him out of jail....?" I remember those times. I miss those times, those summers playing ball and just when you were always around. Never planned....you just were there....Always saying hi and goodbye by the door. I can remember it like it was yesterday. That one summer me and Pralle played for the Phillies, I am fairly certain I lived home or at Pop Pop's. It's like a movie us saying bye to head to a game and then me with a comment about some girl or the antics of the night before and laughing. This year has been challenging to say the least. I remember much of what you told me regarding work, friends, love, and health. I truly try to just enjoy the people who are "present" in my life. I laughed with Lisa last night about just tossing in the towel and leaving these types of jobs for something that might not pay me a lot, but gives me joy. I feel like, folks in our class, we all just work so much....with people who are in and out of our lives maybe in a year, many hours devoted to things that will be a memory the next month....I know I didn't live in Delco the last 15 years of your life and that sometimes bothers me. Not that you ever made us feel we couldn't travel all over, but I know, like the last time we spoke when you were in Delco, you wanted company of your kids. I can still hear your voice. As time has continued to pass, more have been lost. I try to be there for anyone I can. I try to say enjoy those special people. I think of you, Pop Pop, Kitty. All the special times you had together before you were mothers....all the special times you had after you were mothers. Aside from really one falling out, you and Kathy were the best of friends. I reflect on that time, the funny moments at the can. The two of you, almost like "tag you're it" counterparts for doing stuff. I continue to laugh at the video she took of you sweeping the floor of the can. she's just quiet and you're finally like what are you doin????? She's like I'm filming you to show you how skinny your legs look. It always has me cracking up. And Pop Pop. Poor guy. You grilling him about his Sovereign checkbook. hahahahahaha. You really did so much for him. The thought of finding him after that fall, just is painful. I wish I could've been there in some way. Before that, he was fine. I don't really know. I am absolutely aware that every family goes through tough times, so I won't play the oh woe is me card. I know you never did. I guess for me that last decade of 2010 to 2021, that's been heavy. I can't even imagine what you would think of all that happened. Not that it's even possible. I can't really think what your response would've been to ask you to "write your own story". I wonder if you'd even change anything aside from the shore house. hahaha. The hoody you gave me from Heather's is damn near disintegrating off of me. Part of me can't come to throw it out. We miss you so much Mom. Life is so different without your spirit, your voice, your love, your cheek kisses, your big hugs, and just YOU. I said to Ace last night when we were joking about being perfect. I said we can't be perfect, we can just be US. We laughed last night. We had a good meal. We played a game or two. It makes me realize what was so special to you all those years...it was your family. That's what literally filled you up and kept you going. It wasn't a new car, fancy house, or jewelry, but your family. I missed this Thanksgiving cause I was sick. I wanted to awake in a dream just walking into your kitchen cooking, steam coming up from some pot of something, warmth, the window cracked just a smidge so that cool November air crept in, maybe the Delco Times on the table, a candle lit, the radio on 1060 or something that had holiday music on. I can always see your back turned to me. Small in stature, but big in persona, I can always see the back of your head and maybe one of your comfy sweaters on, some comfy pants and in your socks. haha. Just cooking, enjoying life, enjoying you providing for others. I would love to relive that again...Bobby




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