Sometimes I can’t

I can’t tell you how much I miss you cause you won’t hear me. I can’t tell the sorrow Bia and I expressed over her not being able to share Lucy with you. I think of you two being little buddies and all you are missing out on. I don’t so much think of myself. I think of how much Dad misses you. I think of how much the house misses you. I get some hard tears at how much I miss you. My Lord. Seeing Kane be such a great big brother to Ace. Just the fact me and Bia living so close together in the same area and thinking “Mom would’ve liked us being this close”. I just wanted to hug you this weekend. I will always remember my b day dinner we had at The Erin. It’s somewhat heartbreaking cause I remember hugging you. So hard. And you said it was just a little something. I opened it. But then brought it home and never opened it again after what happened. I was just so heartbroken. I still am. I saw a picture of you celebrating a 21st with Nicole (how are you). It all went so fast. I miss you and Kathy so bad. It is palpable. Crying. I wish we made changes. I wish we looked for signs. I just kinda think about what we could’ve been done. You and her deserved so much time. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

9/11/01

Not that I would ever want to write about that day in any way, but that day, I guess, well, we all were somewhere, with someone, seeing history, unfortunately be made. I will never forget that morning. There was literally not a cloud in the sky. I guess I was like 24. I know I was working at Vanguard by then. I am pretty sure. I remember, that day, I was just sitting out front, cause it was so comfortable about on Grant Rd. The sun was perfect. The sky perfect. You must've been somewhere in the house. Not that you could get lost. I remember Dad was in his work jeans and sitting upright on his bed. I think all the girls were in school. I was done college. I have this idea of going back into the house and a "oh my God..." or a "Bob, what is going on..." For some reason I remember Dad just being fixated on the Sony screen. There weren't many words to echo during the time the planes were hitting. I remember one thing...the two of you on the bed, the brown and li
Read more

Falling

Image
In some alternate reality, I am just sitting here with my windows open as the city quiets down and folks on the beast coast enjoy a nice fall night. Someone has a fire pit going in the town and the smoke seems to travel well here. I am pulled back to The Can, to The Biscuit. The smell of dried burning leaves and the world quieting down. Now, maybe more than ever, I know that peace and happiness are so much more valuable than debates and criticism. Somewhere we got caught in the blur of life. I blame technology. Ha. I think about what you would be doing. A relaxing Sunday of visits, a pot of gravy with some ravs, maybe a roast and some veggies. A call to ask me if I want to stop by for dinner. How I thought those invites would never end. How I value your cooked meals filling my belly with nutrients and love and the simple fact you just liked having us over, just liked company. Just liked people. I think about you taking your boxes of fall and Halloween stuff out. I can imagine those tin
Read more

The Working Girl

Image
Thinking back to all the jobs you worked. I am amazed you could ever work a full time job anywhere with the five of us. And you started when we were all still pretty young. I remember the Island Road Super Fresh. Man. I can see myself walking in those front doors and going straight cause your deli counter was straight ahead. I would always do two things. Dip my finger in the pickle barrel and then ask you for a slice of cheese. You always gave me one. You would let me run around in the back and we would say hi to all the butcher and deli people. “Hi So and So, this is my son Bobby…” As years went it was, “These are my kids….Bobby, Lisa, Chrissy…” Ha. Next thing I know I am finishing out my senior year and I start a job at UPS. I don’t know why, but then also asked if you could get me a job at Super Fresh. By this time you were working at the 10th and South store. Man, what a cool place to work. I remember being so nervous cause I was starting on shifts you weren’t working and working w
Read more