PattybytheSea

Sitting here trying to study stuff I am not really into today. I don’t know why I thought about it, but I remember our trip to Providence on our way to Newport. Really the first time I rode the train with you as an adult. I remember how proud of you I was for not even being the least bit worried or concerned about everything happening on our way up. The busyness of it all. That was a really great train ride. The time of year we went slips my mind. I know it was warm cause I had shorts and Asics on, but not sure how warm. I remember that we had a row basically all to ourselves, so something tells me we went on a day it was not busy. Part of me doesn’t even think we had to really sit together. I have this memory of us sitting together and we ate some lunch on there, but it’s not very vivid. I remember we got off in Providence and were again hungry. We got an uber or cab to the car rental place. I just remember leaving that tiny train station in Prov and we were dragging our carry-ons acr...

What can I really say. It sucks I can't take you out for your birthday. My day, well your day, started off bad. Stupid people at work blaming me for something out of my control. Instead of getting fired up....I thought, WWMD...What would Mom do? I think about how many times across your life, young and old, you faced adversity. I think a lot about your places of work and how you just wanted to "do your 8 and skate". More and more as I age, deal with idiots in Corporate America, I think of when you told me that. It really is great advice. I really wish you were here to celebrate your special day. I got sad today. I saw Pralle posted on your page and just broke down. I thought. My longtime friend took time out of his day to write that. I always really loved when he would call you Mrs. Malin. I can literally hear him say that SO many times. And a grin on dude's face when you asked him some question he knew he had to lie about. The dude literally is the worst liar I know. ...

How can we have fall and not think about you so much? I’ve gone back and forth with not wanting summer to end cause it went so quick and early on I didn’t see anything good coming out of it but alas it was good.   What I remember about fall….us going shopping for new clothes at the mall and Kmart or Bradlees. The rubber smell of pencil cases. Picking out our favorite lunchboxes. I’m almost sure I was still young enough to have a metal one and think it was Superman or Spider-Man. You shopping for the girls. All their little outfits. I think many from House of Bargains. I think you could get so much there. Remember fall cleaning as weather like today hit. It’s almost winter here. Remember many mornings coming down to eat cereal. Apple Jacks, Fruit Loops, Honeycombs, fruity pebbles. While you checked out the latest of the Delco times over cup of coffee and a few cigarettes. I would just sit there in my bowl of sugar and be quiet as I destroyed some food. The girls all coming and going...

Listening to some classic rock. I remembered that time you and I went to Clover by Penrose Plaza. Not sure why cause figured you wouldn’t wanna go there since you worked there. Maybe you were picking me up from a weekend at Nanny’s. It’s not hard to remember what happened but how it happened. I was looking at transformers and then I saw a gum ball machine and I started to take the gum balls out of the machine and put them in my pocket. I can legit remember the balding dark hair guy looking at me behind the entrance of the aisle. As soon as I put those gum balls in my pocket he snagged me. I was caught. Crying my eyes out. I mean I was like 10. He took me in some room and then asked my name and then called for the “mother of Bobby Malin”. I remember I had a blue hoody on. You showed up. He took it easy on me. But he did tell me that he could “call the police”. I don’t even remember what you said to him but I walked out a “free man”. I remember you in the car. “Bobby, you just can’t be d...

I  never wake up realizing what today is. I think from that day 4 years ago, my mind no longer remembers that as a “day”. I like to think of the life we shared. It has been a somewhat up and down summer. I laugh. I think of sand covered glass Pepsi bottles, “Florida” rooms covered in screen, old wood and turf, old ceramic ash trays, glasses with yellow glazed beach themes, styrofoam coolers, The Kenney Igloo, getting lunch meat, sand covered car floors, wrung out bathing suits drying, balled up towels with that scent of summer daze, a cold 6 pack, clothesline holding fresh whites summer bleached, a walk down Thames Street, a drive down Route 9, stopping in Dino’s, the turn by the hotel and the arts and crafts store, you and Kane at The Bitty, you and I out for dinner, the salt air of…Mexico, Newport, Ocean City, South Carolina, Sea Isle, the salt air in your heart, The Breakers, JFK, Pop Pop’s fishing rods and tackle box, the last project he and I did on the shed, my happiness over...

I  can’t tell you how much I miss you cause you won’t hear me. I can’t tell the sorrow Bia and I expressed over her not being able to share Lucy with you. I think of you two being little buddies and all you are missing out on. I don’t so much think of myself. I think of how much Dad misses you. I think of how much the house misses you. I get some hard tears at how much I miss you. My Lord. Seeing Kane be such a great big brother to Ace. Just the fact me and Bia living so close together in the same area and thinking “Mom would’ve liked us being this close”. I just wanted to hug you this weekend. I will always remember my b day dinner we had at The Erin. It’s somewhat heartbreaking cause I remember hugging you. So hard. And you said it was just a little something. I opened it. But then brought it home and never opened it again after what happened. I was just so heartbroken. I still am. I saw a picture of you celebrating a 21st with Nicole (how are you). It all went so fast. I miss yo...

That video was amazing. The songs and pictures are amazing. Seeing her with the little ones hits you. I never really talked to her about Tigers AC cause I didn’t know that part of her life. I felt bad that I didn’t visit her at home or ask her if she needed help. Until about 6-7 years in I felt I had a “place” next to your shop and could just stop in and I did every time she was up on her “perch”.  These two pictures are just so her.  As for the luncheon, I felt like I was starting to just get into a certain grieving mood that I couldn’t control. When I drove home after such a beautiful service it was very hard to contain myself. I’ve not been able to really put it down on paper and I said to Jackie. I said aloud. “Mom, when you see Mom Mom, just give her one of the warm hugs you always gave me cause mom mom is one helluva hugger” and I used to say she gave great cheek kisses.  After I said that driving home I came home and ate and had nothing emotionally left. I know the...

I got off macdade Blvd. came down Knowles Ave by the park and came to the “sound horn” bridge. I broke down. I remember so many times me and you or me and dad came through this area. I immediately thought of simpler times so long ago. I couldn’t control it but it was so nice out I just kept going and came to a beautiful street donned with American flags. Families in the park. I remember driving back through that area so many times. I think about it now. It’s such a small corny thing but it was such a memory we had. I came home from so many games and practices and food pickups. I think about how I used to touch the felt on whatever car we we’re driving. I would lay my hand flat to feel the seat. It could’ve been the sunbird’s rubber plastic, the Plymouth black peeling, the maroon of the mercury, the tan of the caprice classic or the tan of the wind star. I think of my hand touching them all some point in time. I would do it and just smile outside of the window. You couldn’t see my smile...

Today was so long. Now with Kathy also not here, almost twice as long. I haven’t been feeling well for a bit and I sat in all day. Thankful to have off tomorrow. It’s been cold and rainy and gray most of the weekend. Just strange for this time of year but it is what it is.   There’s so much you two are missing.     I couldn’t even write it all here. I always have thoughts of wanting to tell you this or that or tell you what I’m planning on doing or going or just anything. And I can’t. I can’t hardly bring myself to bring you up to the girls or dad cause it’s just heartbreaking.   I want to focus on the good that is the good parts of the past. Beth told me her and Chris and the kids were going to Erin Pub and I was thrust back to our last meal. In s good way. I only have a snap of the meal and not of us.    It would’ve taken exactly one minute to say “ma’am, can you get a picture of me and my mom?”. Done. Those are the things that hurt the most. The missed o...

I wish I could call you for some advice. In my mind you are so close but of course you are not here and I just sit alone in my car or on my couch and ask you to guide me and help me through the tough times. The times o question everything. I joked with Theresa after telling her I came down with Covid. I said. It was such a beautiful day today. I have so many memories of coming home from delcroft or Ashland or AP. Cold but warm spring days and windows open, the fresh vapor of windex and pledge coming out of the house. I would know cause all the windows would be open. I would always laugh cause I knew it was your thing.   It’s been a crazy last few weeks. Got to Newport for a much needed staycation. Worked there and just had a few moments. Legit walked right to the dock at night after chowder at the Black Pearl. I felt like a local at this point. Alone but not alone. Some kind hearted couple found out is was my first bowl ever and they picked up the tab. Fish tacos at Benjis. Lobster...