Another day....I miss the past

Hi Mom, I wish I could just call you up and talk to you....hell...I would drive to middle of the earth if you were there. I saw so many signs you've been around me since Dad passed. I oftened wondered if you were at Lisa's the last 3 mos. I didn't know. He is no longer suffering. No longer in pain. As sad as his passing was, the fact he is no longer in pain, struggling to do the most minimal of human tasks, brings me peace. As I shook hands and hugged so many people that loved both of you, I wondered how you would've felt if you were still with us. I felt like you were in line with us. I felt it many times. Hugging so many people. Theresa, Regina, Lucy, Donna, Colleen, Bob Johnston....so many people who knew our family. It was both heart breaking....and heart mending. I longed for those pure days on 988. I said that to Bob. We sure did have a great group of people. I just thought a lot about so much time...on that street. 

I think everyone who put effort into making the day special....really did a great job. The priest made me remember Upland St. The brick porch. Boo. The fenced in backyard. You would've been proud at how great the pictures came out. So many of our family. Simpler times. Yesteryear. It really was just done so well. If ever a funeral could be "perfect", I would say it was. I think Dad would've been proud. Jimmy did a great job speaking. Broke my heart, even now, but as he said, and I feel; pain and suffering is no way to go through life. 

We all said lots of great things at the luncheon. Some funny, some sad, some emotional. I thought of our family a lot that day. It was just great to get together with people afterwards. Really to just talk about their personal relationships with Dad, you, 988. Time sure did fly Mom. I just wanted to hug you.....after it was all over...I came home alone. I was exhausted. I just wanted to hug you. I wanted to talk to you. I wanted to hear you tell me...."Bobby, it will be ok...we had a really great run...." But alas....I listen for what will not come. 

I said part of my speech at the luncheon. The hardest part, well, it was hard. I know you would've been smiling in heaven. Just because peace is all you ever wanted for everyone. I think peace is all we ever wanted. I just wanted things to be quiet....but that didn't help. I went out to meet friends and get food the next day. Watch some games.....I came home...Parked....and just cried. Not just cause of dad passing....but just that we wont get any other opportunities to be that family again. It was a long cry in my truck. I get upset at finality and things that cannot be mended. 

I am at home now. Having a few beers, listening to Dad's service playlist....I am certain he would've loved it. Heck. I did. The house is gone. You're gone. Dad is gone. I can only hope that the bonds we built those years can stay strong. I know wherever you are....you are looking over us. Looking over dad. I pray you didn't burn the biscuits in that metal pan hahahahaha. See Theresa and Daneen Marchiano, it gave me so much peace. It allowed me to just let go. I was so thankful. 

Wherever you are.....please please please give Colleen the biggest *****ing hug you can for me. We miss her SO MUCH. Tell Dad, I will buy a few scratch offs. Tell Pop Pop, I dont eat pies. Tell Mom Mom and John I said hi. I miss you all. I truly miss my heroes. 

Love you all. 





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