Just passin me by....

Man. This weather. You know when weather can bring you back to a certain time in your life. Well, today is one of those days. Kind of warm for a Tuesday in early February. I opened the windows at my place. I can literally hear you calling me and saying, “OH MY GOD….can you believe how nice it is out?...I’m bout to go get my flippy flops and beach chair and plop my ass down in Strathmere…call Kitty….tell her we’re picking her up and taking her to The Biscuit. Ah man. I am smiling just typing that. The sun is shining today. It was shining yesterday. I believe you had a hand in that. We all have been near you every hour of the last 12 days. All getting our time in with you. Silent or talking it is therapeutic. I spent much of yesterday by your side. Holding your hand. You were snoring a few times. It almost felt like you were “you”. Your hand grabbing my hand many times and moving all over the place. I opened the window of your room because I felt you needed some fresh air. It’s funny, you really are an outdoor person. You always loved being outside, in the sun, in the shade, even in fall and of course in summer. Back to this weather. Part of me is remembering my freshman year at Penn State Delco. Eminem before Eminem. Hoop earring and baggy Tommy Hil jacket and jeans and boots and a big sweatshirt and backwards cap. I would wake up after working nights at UPS, take whatever car was available and this weather today, reminds me of those times. Get my classes in and have some lunch and then head back home where you would probably either be cleaning or making food for the girls or whatever. Maybe you would be at work. I think you would still be at Island Road. Walk in through the front door and maybe crack a few windows. I can feel the wood of the windows on my hands. That milk white color that seemed “clean”. I can see you in passing on any floor for of the house. In a weird, way, I am glad we still have the house. Although I know you’ve been wanting to move for the last 20 years. I still have all the houses you sent to me and all our little bickering sessions back and forth over email. It used to make me mad at myself, but I am your son and well, you’re one stubborn ox and so am I sometimes. As more and more came, I relented and said to save your money and you can have anything you want. Here you were saving!!! So I am in college and I am just passing through that house at all hours of the day and night because of my classes and night work. You always told me how proud of me you were. Full time school and full time work. I was a zombie. You could always get me to crack a smile. Like that picture Donna took of all of us on the couch. Your pride and joy. I laugh because someone else always had to prod me to, “get in the picture with your mom and sisters Bobby….” Like I was always the unicorn or the red-headed stepchild who didn’t belong. Today, I know my squad is strong. They’re strong because of you. Plain and simple. Part of me wants to go back to those days when we struggled to make ends meet and a potential layoff could wreck the whole house, but we sure made out. Now we have four college grads, two wives and three grandkids and hopefully someday, more on the way. I know you can see all this. I know you see me now. I know we’ll always see each other….even if it’s in passing. I love you Mom. I miss you so much. 


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