A little snow here on Umbria today mom. Apparently a little
snow all over the area. We were joking about how you secretly hated this weather.
I remember a few times you would head out and dig your car out or we’d be
talking and you’d tell me to be careful on the roads. For some reason you
seemed to always get somewhere before it snowed and then have to make the trek
back in it. I remember how many countless times we would be on the phone and
then you’d be approaching the police stopped and, “Oh, Bobby, hold on, I have
to put the phone down…..ok…I’m good…gotta watch out that fackin John Law ready
to pull my ass over….” Oh, you make me laugh. Always driving around in your
little Toyota. I think when I looked that thing had like 153,000 miles on it!
It’s been really cold here lately. Like cold like we haven’t seen in decades they’ve
said. Cold where you just want to be inside and as you used to say, “warmy
darmy”, with your kids, your family, your loved ones. Kathy and I were joking
saying you’d be like, “Oh, no way, this is not for me. I am just going to drink
my coffee and hunker down here til it passes….” We’ve all been seeing so much
of you these last months. We always make sure you are not alone during the day.
Lisa did a great job with your room and you would be proud of the scape she put
together. You’d be proud of all of them. I am. Nothing about this gets any
easier, but you’ve been giving us some amazing signs. Last night you pushed and
pulled and tapped on my hand. As if you’re trying to tell me something. I spend
time next to you. I try to find some normalcy by reading and just sitting there
in silence. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t because you were hardly
ever a quiet person. Ah, I miss those calls on Saturday and Sunday mornings. “Bobby,
what are you doing? It’s almost 10 or 11 or 12...” or 3 hours past the hour you
woke up…..half the day is gone. Memories of Meester Kenney doing the same. And
the countless times you invited me over there and sadly many times I declined
for whatever reasons were occurring at the time. I wish I could get one of
those invites back and just sit and talk and talk and talk to you. It all went
by so fast. Like a blink of an eye. I guess that happens to a lot of families
though. I miss it. I would take back a lot of my experiences to have some
simple, down time with you at the house. Or just me sitting there throwing down
boxes of cereal while you quietly read the Delco Times and drank your coffee.
This all just seems like it’s not real. I don’t want to keep thinking of this
nightmare, but that is what it is. And I know that God places his toughest
soldiers in the toughest battles. This is no joke. I am heading out. Like you
used to joke, “You’re always going out to get your food….” And then all you
ever wanted to do with me was go somewhere and eat out. Ah, we had so many
meals. I don’t have one picture of us eating at a table together. That does hurt
me, but I have so many great memories of our talks and so many times we had
such good food and drink all over the world…well…..USA and Mexico. Miss you
Mom. We love you.
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