Down from the sky

A little snow here on Umbria today mom. Apparently a little snow all over the area. We were joking about how you secretly hated this weather. I remember a few times you would head out and dig your car out or we’d be talking and you’d tell me to be careful on the roads. For some reason you seemed to always get somewhere before it snowed and then have to make the trek back in it. I remember how many countless times we would be on the phone and then you’d be approaching the police stopped and, “Oh, Bobby, hold on, I have to put the phone down…..ok…I’m good…gotta watch out that fackin John Law ready to pull my ass over….” Oh, you make me laugh. Always driving around in your little Toyota. I think when I looked that thing had like 153,000 miles on it! It’s been really cold here lately. Like cold like we haven’t seen in decades they’ve said. Cold where you just want to be inside and as you used to say, “warmy darmy”, with your kids, your family, your loved ones. Kathy and I were joking saying you’d be like, “Oh, no way, this is not for me. I am just going to drink my coffee and hunker down here til it passes….” We’ve all been seeing so much of you these last months. We always make sure you are not alone during the day. Lisa did a great job with your room and you would be proud of the scape she put together. You’d be proud of all of them. I am. Nothing about this gets any easier, but you’ve been giving us some amazing signs. Last night you pushed and pulled and tapped on my hand. As if you’re trying to tell me something. I spend time next to you. I try to find some normalcy by reading and just sitting there in silence. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn’t because you were hardly ever a quiet person. Ah, I miss those calls on Saturday and Sunday mornings. “Bobby, what are you doing? It’s almost 10 or 11 or 12...” or 3 hours past the hour you woke up…..half the day is gone. Memories of Meester Kenney doing the same. And the countless times you invited me over there and sadly many times I declined for whatever reasons were occurring at the time. I wish I could get one of those invites back and just sit and talk and talk and talk to you. It all went by so fast. Like a blink of an eye. I guess that happens to a lot of families though. I miss it. I would take back a lot of my experiences to have some simple, down time with you at the house. Or just me sitting there throwing down boxes of cereal while you quietly read the Delco Times and drank your coffee. This all just seems like it’s not real. I don’t want to keep thinking of this nightmare, but that is what it is. And I know that God places his toughest soldiers in the toughest battles. This is no joke. I am heading out. Like you used to joke, “You’re always going out to get your food….” And then all you ever wanted to do with me was go somewhere and eat out. Ah, we had so many meals. I don’t have one picture of us eating at a table together. That does hurt me, but I have so many great memories of our talks and so many times we had such good food and drink all over the world…well…..USA and Mexico. Miss you Mom. We love you.


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