Another day without you...

When I got back from seeing you yesterday, I saw Ace. I picked him up and he came right to me. He hugged me so good and tight. Like you would hug me. It really made me sad. I am laying in the bed next to your room. Kane is in bed playing on his switch. Typically this would be a perfect morning, but of course we know it is not. Your sister and brother are so sad. Kathy said that she doesn’t have anyone to talk to and that she lost her best friend. I don’t even know how to console her. I don’t know what to say. I don’t know what to do. There are no words to console anyone. It’s just so tragic Mom. Where are you? Where did you go? Why did you leave? All I wanted was a little more time. Not an entire lifetime, but some time. I can’t help but think of the bad times and I know I shouldn’t. I wish we could just take another trip to Newport and I know we will never ever get back there again. All our little trips. I am going to miss them so much. I can’t make any sense of this. I really cannot. I want you to call me and ask how I am doing. I don’t want to say I am hungover. I don’t want to not take your call. I just want to talk to you. I am hoping for a miracle. I mean, they do happen right? The girls are in a state of shock and torture. It’s just too much for any of us to handle. I can’t even get into how Dad is treating his own kids. Like he’s trying to be the parent he never truly ever was. I miss you Mom. I miss your laugh. Your hugs. The last hug I had with you at the Erin. Your gifts. The gifts I never even touched since you gave them to me. The last time you asked me to come over and stay over because no one was there. My saving grace in all this misery is that you were at the place you loved the most. The beach. You had a great day on the beach with the kids and your family. I wasn’t there, but I know it was special. I am SO thankful for that. I really am.


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