Happy Valentine's Day

The last time I had a “bid day” we were down your rental down in the OC. I will never forget it because I had that stupid eye ulcer. My god that was terrible. Anyhow, I remember waking up that day and noticing what happened and sharing that great news with you and just laughing and happy. You made me some eggs and sausage or bacon and I went on to start my workday. It was a somewhat hazy gray day. Picking this back up. I had two dreams this week. I just told Kathy about them. Oh, Happy Valentine’s Day Mom. I remember I would send you some corny cards or flowers. I knew you always loved either. So in my first dream, I thought you were sick or something, but at the end of the dream, you walked into wherever I was and your face was all young and clear and you said, “I am not sick any more. It went away…” The dream ended by me just acknowledging that. Then this morning I woke up and the last thing I remember was me running into a room to see you and gave you a great big hug. It really had me wake up in a positive and happy way. I was just fulfilled to know you were there and you looked happy. I guess that’s the best I can ask for. So I had another big day this week and I wanted to badly to call you, share, say let’s go to the Erin, but I had to just keep it to myself. I did share with a few close folks, but man, I am thankful. Getting me closer to getting to my goal and hopefully away from things I don’t like doing. I remember that day down the shore. I think I just wrapped up some work stuff and then we went out to that place a few blocks away to get some food to “celebrate”. I still will just have a mild celebration, but you are there and I know it. I stopped by the house the other day to help Dad with something on the computer. Saw your notebook and some of the new remodeled parts of the house. I also found what I think to be the last picture of the house as you decorated it. It was from Google and about a month or so after you went into the ICU. It’s really crazy. Just to think that was the last time you were going to do the yard, the wreath, the front of the house and you probably had no idea. I had a long talk with Pat about some things with the family. She’s such a good listener. I know she misses you. That street just feels dead, but it is winter. Just felt so quiet and empty. Then again it was just a Saturday and maybe the kids were all inside warm houses playing. I can never forget the sense of warmth you brought to a room or a house. It’s the same with Nanny. Just that feeling that I am safe and can be calm. I am working on a little project down the OC. I hope you can see it as it progresses and be happy about it. I can’t wait to see the finished product. I try to be there for friends who have lost loved ones. It isn’t any easier when I circle back. I can’t believe it will be a year in 7 days. Time sure does fly. I want to just remember all the good times. That’s really it. We found another video of you and I was able to post it to YouTube. I think Kathy found it. I hope when I get my other phones checked, there are some more of you. I know there are. Thank God for technology and the ability to take so many pictures and videos. We really can never have enough. I at least want to have them so my kids can know how special you were. How fun you made life. How you were life. I try to at least be as engaging as you were. Try to talk. Everyone likes to talk. Keep an eye out on everyone. Help Kathy through this physically tough time. Keep me going in a better direction. Maybe throw a few good job offers at me. I am heading down the shore tomorrow to take care of some things. Me and Chrissy are heading to a concert in AC Saturday night. It’s supposed to be REALLY cold tonight. I know exactly where you’d be. On the couch watching QVC eating Chinese food. I sometimes wonder how you loved that time. The time when we didn’t bother you, but then I think of today and how much you miss us and we miss you and we would just love to call you and shoot the shit. To show you, hey, I am thinking of you. It’s funny, when I can add up all the daily/weekly/monthly/yearly calls we made to each other, that’s a lot of communication. I have absolutely no problem being called a momma’s boy. It is a mark of pride and love. And that’s what a son should be to his mother. My friend John, who lost his mother when he was around 20-21, said he was the same and his love for his mom, even today, is so palpable. I know people who just don’t get life. They don’t get relationships. They really just don’t get love. I am happy that you showed us that it was totally ok to be yourself and be honest and most of all, tell someone you love them, tell them you care, tell them sorry, and to tell them you love them. I truly know that’s what life is about. It is not about being perfect or being facebook happy or some façade; it’s about love and honesty and sharing those moments with the people who love you and show you they do through good actions and words. I feel so lucky to have had you for 41 years. That’s a lifetime for some people. There are people that don’t even make it to that age, but I had you the whole ride along. I laugh cause I remember driving you and Kathy under NYC on our way to Newport and you were like freaking out about my driving. Oh man. How I would do anything to drive you two up there today. Probably gonna be cold, but the Brick Alley will be warm and packed with people enjoying great food and great drinks. I am so glad you went on so many adventures. I am so glad you did that. I know we were supposed to go on more, but alas, it was not in the cards. Ok Mom. It’s Friday and looking forward to a long weekend. Love you. Bobby

I just saw this quote and it made me laugh....

“Don’t forget to be silly, don’t forget to take something away from this whole experience, and don’t forget to stick something up your sleeve.” - Macauley Culkin