Hope

I was talking to Kathy about how much you liked music and so many different forms of it. Thinking how you basically invented the “mom dance”, thinking how you loved sports radio and Rob and Mikey Miss. I know you didn’t get a chance to do and see all the things you dreamed of. I know that you were held back in a lot of ways. I know that you did the best with the constraints that were on you. I commend you on that. Really no free person should be held back from living a normal, happy life, but I guess that’s where God and fate intervene. In some ways I wonder what regrets you may have had. I think about how you would’ve been more open with the things you wanted to see changed and how you wanted things to just be simple and normal. So many things to think of. Also how much stress you were under for so long couldn’t be healthy at all. We talk about that often. Just like, what was really going on in your heart and your mind. I wonder if your heart was broken or filled with love from your kids, grandkids and close friends and family. I wonder if we filled the voids you carried so many years....we had so many talks. So many plans to go see stuff and so many things I know you really wanted to be here to see. I know you woke up every day with n hope that you would have a normal morning, a normal night and happiness and love in between. I know that’s what you hoped for. Eventually, we all gain clarity. Either here on earth or the afterlife. My hope is what actually happened on your last day on this planet. A day at the beach with the people you truly loved being around; less a few of us (me included, but I’m happy just the same). And that you weren’t driving, weren’t at 988, weren’t running around trying to wrap up some food order or gifts, or doing something for someone else or somewhere crying or worrying; as I know you did in private and with me. You are definitely sending all your kids and siblings signs and that’s important. I am happy to finally get some peace and quiet. I think we just need that and don’t need any more drama or loudness. I could go another lifetime not spending days/weeks/months at hospitals or medical facilities, but I’m glad I went to see you as much as I did. In some strange way, knowing your heart was still beating was comforting. I wish we had more time mom. I wish we got that chance to see you be totally happy and content....Bobby




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