Having a really tough day today. Thinking so much about the last time you called me, the last time we spoke, the last time we had dinner, the last time we laughed…..I remember it all. I want to make sure that I never ever forget it. I was just talking to Pralle about all of it. Lots of good advice from “Church Boy”. Actually was able to get out a laugh about it all. Pralle said, “Dude...u always make me look bad when u do that!! Lol!! I hear.."theres Bob taking his mom out again.." wtf...ok mom...bobs a good son...i get it!! Haha” Never ever trying to show anyone up, but it is funny when I think about it. Literally like the 100 or so times we ate out the last 10-20 years. Man. I could go on forever about all the places and soon I will list them all just cause I will have to really think. Ah mom, so many people have so many good things to say about you. Mostly how you made them feel.

“Your mom helped me clean my house….”
“Your mom really helped me with my confidence one time and told me I was beautiful…”
“Your mom would always pinch my cheek and call me that….”
“Your mom made us all this food and brought it over for us….”
“Your mom made so much out of so little…..”
“Your mom really helped me when I was at a very low point in my life….she was there…..”
“Your mom gave me rides back and forth to work when I couldn’t drive….”
“Your mom helped me with my garden….”
“Your mom gave all of us a ride….”

I could go on for days. I know if I asked the girls, they’d have even more. Recently on my trip, I got to hang out with a good buddy. We were there, on the beach, talking about some deep stuff. Talking about family and friends and your strengths as a person. He listed his two strengths and one of them was inclusion. And that is totally him. Always wanting people to be included. And it wasn’t until I got home. Took the steps back into this Hell we are living and I said, that’s it, that’s one of mom’s great strengths…inclusion. A word I just don’t use, but that’s you. Always, “Bobby, why don’t you come?” “Chrissy, come on down…no pressure?” “Hey, why don’t I just pop over and we can hang out….” I could keep going. You always wanted to include people. I don’t want to think you were lonely. That gets me sad. I know loneliness is just one emotion that many normal people can feel throughout their days/weeks/months and I know that we can feel alone in a house full of people or a house with no one; it truly is a mindset I guess. I know we called you so much. I know we saw you so much. I guess, like Aunt Kathy (dad’s side), “we want more”….that stuck in my head. We want more of you….and we feel like we’ve been cheated out of “more”.

Heading up to Wawa to get a sammich. I think of getting you a pretzel. Think of how many times we would stop on our travels. And the time I picked you up after your accident down the shore. Never forget it. I thought you’d be sad about what happened. There you were, under your umbrella like Michael Jackson, just petting the glass and probably waiting for a call from me. I pulled up so you couldn’t see and snapped a picture. Funny then, but sad to me now. Your huge smile and your “Oh!!!! Hi Bobby!!....let’s get the hell out of here!!!” The eternal optimist. Man, we need some of your optimism now cause this is a big family that is hurting. Bobby


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