PattybytheSea

CHAPTER 17 Contemplating death It is truly a great cosmic paradox that one of the best teachers in all of _ life turns out to be death. No person or situation could ever teach you as much as death has to teach you. While someone could tell you that you are not your body, death shows you. While someone could remind you of the insignificance of the things that you cling to, death takes them all away in a second. While people can teach you that men and women of all races are equal and that there is no difference between the rich and the poor, death instantly makes us all the same. The question is, are you going to wait until that last moment to let death be your teacher? The mere possibility of death has the power to teach us at any moment. A wise person realizes that at any moment they may breathe out, and the breath may not come back in. It could happen any time, in any place, and your last breath is gone. You have to learn from this. A wise being completely and totally embraces the rea...

I moved from one 4649 Umbria to 4651 Umbria. I guess I had just bought that new Rowenta iron. I still had the box when I moved to Media. So as you always clowned about, I never liked having tons of dishes, silverware, etc. I rarely had company coming over to eat back then, even now. So I ran out of spoons and lost a knife. Under my countertop, where I have all my rags and towels and cleaning products, I saw the Rowenta box stuffed in the box. I must've just taken it that night of the hurricane and brought it to Media. That was definitely a bear of a night. No fun moving during a hurricane, but also just not having a place to even go cause all the roads were flooded and posting up at that one hotel. On a workday no less. I had long since lost any respect for my company or the management....and could've cared less. Woke up and got my day started, had some breakfast and started to pack and left. So back to the box, you packed that box. You always did the most with least. God knows...

Hi Mom, I wish I could just call you up and talk to you....hell...I would drive to middle of the earth if you were there. I saw so many signs you've been around me since Dad passed. I oftened wondered if you were at Lisa's the last 3 mos. I didn't know. He is no longer suffering. No longer in pain. As sad as his passing was, the fact he is no longer in pain, struggling to do the most minimal of human tasks, brings me peace. As I shook hands and hugged so many people that loved both of you, I wondered how you would've felt if you were still with us. I felt like you were in line with us. I felt it many times. Hugging so many people. Theresa, Regina, Lucy, Donna, Colleen, Bob Johnston....so many people who knew our family. It was both heart breaking....and heart mending. I longed for those pure days on 988. I said that to Bob. We sure did have a great group of people. I just thought a lot about so much time...on that street.  I think everyone who put effort into making the...

I have no words. I miss you all so much. I cannot believe it. Of all the people that deserved second chances.....you three did. I am broken. I know you will look over us but there is just such a huge void. 

Mom, I don’t know how you did all you did, but I’m so impressed that you did. Happy Easter. You were surely thought of and your memory and even your last card made the day special along with some great family time. You are so missed. Send us all the love and prayers that you can. They are surely appreciated. Me

Been a while Mom. Just things flying, life, ups and downs. We miss you as usual. As we do Kathy, Mom Mom, Pop Pop and John. Dad recently paid to get the VHS tapes transferred over. A treasure trove of memories. Before I even had a chance to watch them myself (I was in a rush with so much stuff last week), people were telling me how much they loved them....and showed me so many things I had long since forgotten....well weren't forgotten more so at the back of my mind.  At Bia's 40th at Townhouse, which was an amazing turnout of friends/family/co-workers/college friends; we truly had a blast. Of course people were missing, but we carried on. A few of the cousins, Dana, Marissa, had shown me snippets of the videos. Pictures of things I really just didn't remember. So that night and following days I watched the videos.  First, it was just so great to see all of you alive, so much energy, so much lust for life. Christmas Eve at Mom Mom's, such a special time for all of us. I...

That night...of my birthday. Such a nice time. At the Erin. I really never told many people about it. We had such a nice dinner. I think we both had like surf & turf meals. Think I had the steak and a crab cake and a beer. I know I have a picture of it somewhere. I can remember it so vividly coming out to your car. You were just like "I got you a little something...." A hoodie and a Sixers shirt. I wore the hoody for this years Super Bowl Parade. I wore it proudly. I gave you a big hug and we parted ways. I really didn't think much of the next few hours. I got home to my apt in Manayunk. I called you to make sure you were ok. Vividly, on the phone, you said, "there's no one here...you should've just packed a bag and stayed here.....there's no one here." I really just didn't focus on it much at the time. After the fact, I felt so bad. I wondered how alone you were. I wondered why I hadn't just gone to the house with you, I wondered why why...

We've been talking about you so much lately. I bet your ears are ringing. From pics to "mommy or your mother would do this....", it's been a lot about you. I wish I could tell you how much you're missed. I wish I could wish you back into our lives.....to see Kane growing up, Ace's awesomeness and go to see Taylor Swift impersonator with Lucy. It's crazy....I no longer think about what I am missing out on with you being gone, I miss what they're missing (tears). I miss you being their buddy. I totally saw you next to Lucy at the show Bia was at tonight....laughing....dancing.....a "girl's night". Of course it's super positive, but something missing. I talked with Sibb last night about a lot of stuff we grew up with. Just lessons learned and how we are today and why. I just don't really get how people can go through so much loss, so much hurt and not change for the better...or at least realize what they're doing wrong that hurts...