KYW.....1060!!!

These are the days I really wish I could call you....I imagine just settling into your cozy spot at the table, coffee in hand, the delco times in front of you, a pen, finishing off getting some times for Christmas..probably page for each person....also a food list of course....all the ingredients you would pick up to make all the delicious food you would cook. I cross time in these thoughts. Early days, me as a pre-teen, playing outside when that big storm hit in the pre-90's. We could just walk on snow for days. It literally never got plowed and that was great. I remember getting sick after my first and last time eating spaghetti and linguini.....I can still smell it. I remember feasting on a pack of Ritz crackers while walking those silent snowcovered streets. I remember not having a care in the world. So thankful that social media and even the internet didn't really exist. Coming in the back, by the heater to just get undressed. That great feeling of warmth over fronzen digits, hates with snow almost frozen into the cotton. Getting down to long johns and putting on dry socks. Leave all the gear by the door to melt into a puddle. Getting out of the basement and closer to the heat. Maybe a nice bowl of oatmeal or a BLT you made for me. I miss me some oatmeal. I did just devour a few bowls of Frosted Flakes for old times sake. Does a number on my blood, but I am learning to pre-dose a lot better....it's a very annual thing at this point. Not like the days of 10-12 boxes of cereal above the oven. I can only imagine how many times you went up and down those steps for us. I now realize.....feet can only take so much. I realize why you slept so good. You were worn out so many days. Probably so grateful and happy and warm inside, but also tired. I am happy to be living in a safe and warm place. No more worrying about the city and all that you think you're missign out on. I love how we have so much good food here....and I really dont need to go anywhere else to get a good meal or make something. I want to assume you would be an avid shopper of our local Acme. I wish you had the chance to have moved into our complex. I think you would've really just been at peace just being a stones throw from Lucifer, Bia and Terry and me around the bend. It's just so easy. Part of me realizes why those communities in the city lasted so long.....until....well....until they werent. A little snowfall this morning Mom. I ate my first bowl of flakes while listening to the weather and roads report on KYW. Just like you used to enjoy that white noise. These days, well, it can be somewhat downer, but KYW does as good a job they can with keeping it light and not focusing on all the city violence or stuff around the globe. I realize just listening for 464 was the most important thing I would listen for. I know you are around me. I feel that. I know you are watching. You and Kitty probably headed south for the winter.....I am sure you're sitting on some sandy beach with Pop Pop and Mom Mom....John probably 100ft away from all of you. I hope they all know how much we miss them. We think of Colleen often. Thanksgiving, well, it was great, but obviously.....a HUGE piece of our lives was missing. It is truly hard to realize Colleen is gone forever. It is something I can't even focus on for more than 5 seconds. I even may ask God about that before I ask about you or I. I just cant figure that one out. Alas, got some gifts to get in the mail and try to feel better after 8 days of this virus. It knocked me over good, but less stress since I am now done with this job and on to something better. I have worked for so many companies, leaving one on my own accord, on my terms, doesn't even get me down at all. I see it all as new beginnings. I wish you were just here. I would love to see you wearing one of your comfy sweaters and snazzy pants and fancy shoes and just give you the biggest, longest hug I could ever give you. Like that last one I gave you in the Erin parking lot when I almost snapped your back. I guess God was giving me that time.....it was the last hug I ever got with you. I always cherish it. I remember closing my eyes when I hugged you, which I didnt usually do....I wish God just said to you, "Patti, what would you do if this was your last 7 days?" I read that in my book recently. What would you do if you were told this is the last week on Earth? And it went on to say, well no one is going to warn you, so start living like it's your last weeks and do everything you want to. I really wonder what you would've said to God if he could've told you. I hate that all I have from that day is a stupid picture of my surf and turf at the Erin. Alas, I didnt know what was to come. I miss you Mom. I really do miss my Mom. Merry Christmas. I love you Mom. If you look closely, you can see the geese enjoying the snow.