Bacon

Shared with the fam. Miss you so much. Missing your cooking and hugs. Missing your laughs and dropping by. I don't get any of this. I don't get how we got so shortchanged. I read a lot of posts about people sharing their grief. I don't know if it's making it worse to support them cause it just brings more pain up. I don't get this mom. I don't get why this happened to you. You did not deserve to go this way. You deserved to go on your terms....I hate this. I know death happens, but I guess it was so sudden, well your incident. I watched a few videos of you from the facilities. It's like your in a prison of your own body and you are screaming to get out of it. I don't like thinking that way. That you could maybe hear us or see us and just wanted to get out of your body. I need to make a change to think of the good times more. The loss is just so on the surface. Like wake up every day and your mom is dead. Just tired of hating that. I know you wouldn't want any of us to dwell, but then I remember how much Pop Pop passing hurt you. I know how sad you were. I know that you wish you could've saved him. I know how hard it was for to watch him decline....and then there we were....5 fucking years later. Two of the best people in my life....gone. I got beef with God. He fucked up this time. Eh....

Before you matherfackers came along and it was mostly me and mom...well you all were little. If I was "sick" and stayed home from school, she would make me a BLT. I always loved that. I would eat it and watch what's happening while she would just cruise around the house, busy, happy, smiling.

To this day I have never made myself a BLT or ever had one out. I think that's just super odd considering I love sammiches.

I miss having her cooking and wish that I had more homemade meals with her. Granted treating her to food all over the place was always nice. I'm sooo happy I checked her in so many places so I can go on Facebook and relive the places we visited.

I will never forget the first place me her and Kathy went to when we got into Newport. It was a long trip but no wait at the oyster house. I just remember really spent but sitting down in that dim brown dining area and out settled yet excited pre meal happiness.

Glad I took some of these pics on our trip to DC. that was such a nice time. I remember it was just you and I that whole time at the Smithsonian.

I miss you. 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

9/11/01

Not that I would ever want to write about that day in any way, but that day, I guess, well, we all were somewhere, with someone, seeing history, unfortunately be made. I will never forget that morning. There was literally not a cloud in the sky. I guess I was like 24. I know I was working at Vanguard by then. I am pretty sure. I remember, that day, I was just sitting out front, cause it was so comfortable about on Grant Rd. The sun was perfect. The sky perfect. You must've been somewhere in the house. Not that you could get lost. I remember Dad was in his work jeans and sitting upright on his bed. I think all the girls were in school. I was done college. I have this idea of going back into the house and a "oh my God..." or a "Bob, what is going on..." For some reason I remember Dad just being fixated on the Sony screen. There weren't many words to echo during the time the planes were hitting. I remember one thing...the two of you on the bed, the brown and li
Read more

The Working Girl

Image
Thinking back to all the jobs you worked. I am amazed you could ever work a full time job anywhere with the five of us. And you started when we were all still pretty young. I remember the Island Road Super Fresh. Man. I can see myself walking in those front doors and going straight cause your deli counter was straight ahead. I would always do two things. Dip my finger in the pickle barrel and then ask you for a slice of cheese. You always gave me one. You would let me run around in the back and we would say hi to all the butcher and deli people. “Hi So and So, this is my son Bobby…” As years went it was, “These are my kids….Bobby, Lisa, Chrissy…” Ha. Next thing I know I am finishing out my senior year and I start a job at UPS. I don’t know why, but then also asked if you could get me a job at Super Fresh. By this time you were working at the 10th and South store. Man, what a cool place to work. I remember being so nervous cause I was starting on shifts you weren’t working and working w
Read more

Sometimes I can’t

Image
I  can’t tell you how much I miss you cause you won’t hear me. I can’t tell the sorrow Bia and I expressed over her not being able to share Lucy with you. I think of you two being little buddies and all you are missing out on. I don’t so much think of myself. I think of how much Dad misses you. I think of how much the house misses you. I get some hard tears at how much I miss you. My Lord. Seeing Kane be such a great big brother to Ace. Just the fact me and Bia living so close together in the same area and thinking “Mom would’ve liked us being this close”. I just wanted to hug you this weekend. I will always remember my b day dinner we had at The Erin. It’s somewhat heartbreaking cause I remember hugging you. So hard. And you said it was just a little something. I opened it. But then brought it home and never opened it again after what happened. I was just so heartbroken. I still am. I saw a picture of you celebrating a 21st with Nicole (how are you). It all went so fast. I miss you an
Read more