Shared with the fam. Miss you so much. Missing your cooking and hugs. Missing your laughs and dropping by. I don't get any of this. I don't get how we got so shortchanged. I read a lot of posts about people sharing their grief. I don't know if it's making it worse to support them cause it just brings more pain up. I don't get this mom. I don't get why this happened to you. You did not deserve to go this way. You deserved to go on your terms....I hate this. I know death happens, but I guess it was so sudden, well your incident. I watched a few videos of you from the facilities. It's like your in a prison of your own body and you are screaming to get out of it. I don't like thinking that way. That you could maybe hear us or see us and just wanted to get out of your body. I need to make a change to think of the good times more. The loss is just so on the surface. Like wake up every day and your mom is dead. Just tired of hating that. I know you wouldn't want any of us to dwell, but then I remember how much Pop Pop passing hurt you. I know how sad you were. I know that you wish you could've saved him. I know how hard it was for to watch him decline....and then there we were....5 fucking years later. Two of the best people in my life....gone. I got beef with God. He fucked up this time. Eh....

Before you matherfackers came along and it was mostly me and mom...well you all were little. If I was "sick" and stayed home from school, she would make me a BLT. I always loved that. I would eat it and watch what's happening while she would just cruise around the house, busy, happy, smiling.

To this day I have never made myself a BLT or ever had one out. I think that's just super odd considering I love sammiches.

I miss having her cooking and wish that I had more homemade meals with her. Granted treating her to food all over the place was always nice. I'm sooo happy I checked her in so many places so I can go on Facebook and relive the places we visited.

I will never forget the first place me her and Kathy went to when we got into Newport. It was a long trip but no wait at the oyster house. I just remember really spent but sitting down in that dim brown dining area and out settled yet excited pre meal happiness.

Glad I took some of these pics on our trip to DC. that was such a nice time. I remember it was just you and I that whole time at the Smithsonian.

I miss you. 


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