What - Me Worry?

Just had a nice venting session with a friend from the neighborhood who seemed to have gone through some similar things I did the last few years. Man. I actually came away with a huge monkey off my back, a smile and a huge sense of relief. It’s getting colder these days. Leaves falling. Aside from summer, maybe your favorite season. I drove up the a side street on my way to the gym yesterday and I saw some step scapes. Ha. A scarecrow here, some corn stalks there. I thought about you. I thought about how you truly loved to decorate. I thought how about 20-30.00 can make someone passing your house feel good. I wonder where those decorations are at now. I see Lisa did it up for her house and I will be up there later to hopefully add to it. Heading out to the gym in a few. I am just truly grateful every single day about the person you were. I am also just grateful we shared so many funny and loving times. I feel lucky that we got to do this thing called life with you. I realize now that a mother like you is not a common thing, but more an uncommon thing. Life is a lot better, easier, and simpler than it was last year at this time. I can’t even fathom all the back and forth I was doing with the hospitals, admins, insurance, Amtrak. I don’t even remember last fall. I don’t know how we did it. Sometimes I feel like we lost, but I know we didn’t. We didn’t have a practice round to get. I think about those days, weeks, months last year. How I was dealing with so many horrible situations that surrounded me. I think we just get on this track and we don’t even see what’s happening around us. For me, last year, not seeing the things flying at me was a good thing. It was yet another time when I was able to just avoid the drama and the bad in my life and get what I had to get done. I laugh today about anyone who even has an opinion on what to do in a situation they have never been in. There is no playbook. Man did we learn a lot. Not that we will ever have to go through that again; well, I hope I never will. I know life will continue. A person I call a friend gave me some advice last night and it helped me see things in a different way regarding a situation. It helps to talk it out. Life is different today and my God, I know you would be a lot happier for the place I am in now compared to last year. I know you see what we’re up to. I know you see our ups and our downs. I hope you are able to stop us from judging or being critical of anything, but also being wiser with our decisions. I think we’ve all done pretty well all things considered. New jobs, new adventures, new events, new friends, new family, new outlooks, and more things to come. Still deciding what the next move is. A friend suggested getting away. I do think about that sometimes. I sure know what area to stay away from. I can hear you laughing now. “You don’t need to be involved in that Bobby….get away from all that drama…” Even when I knew what I was involved in was terrible, you supported me. I wish you slapped me in my head and said "wise up...you can do better..." I have. Ha. Man. You really did prepare me for dealing with the worst in life. And you know what you do with the worst in life? You toss it out like the trash. Ha. I am laughing. Few events coming up for friends soon. Getting pretty excited to see some old faces. Going to hit a few things and also head down for a concert in AC. I love telling you everything and in private I can still talk to you. It’s great to also have resources for positive reinforcement. It is truly sad how people would rather be negative and critical because of their own insecurities. I realize so much now. I guess I learned it my whole life, but I guess when it’s in your face 24/7, you know to turn around and head the other direction. I am SO thankful I made the decisions to head in a different direction. I feel like you were on my shoulder the entire time. You would never want a terrible life for any of us. I know that. And thankfully, we not only lived last year, we learned. Ok. Short and sweet today. Gotta head out. Love you. Bobby