Let's be about it


You would think that getting the annual bug or cold would be a source of wining, but I was getting out of the shower and thought about me giving you the play by play of my symptoms only for you to say, “Ohhhh, I just heard (insert Delco name here) is really sick….been down for a few days….better hope it’s not that EEEEEEbola….” And then you would run down the list of homemade remedies you suggest. Always the caretaker. Always looking out for people. I recently saw a post about that. Being an advocate for yourself. I think about people being advocates for people. I mean, it doesn’t even need to be someone you really are close to. You really never know what may be brewing inside someone’s body or mind until you really ask. I really wish you went to the doctors more often. As an adult, I just don’t get with the ideology that going to the doctors, in this day and age, should be reactive. Especially after a certain age or a certain point in your biological life. I mean, we give kids checkups for a certain number of years and then it seems like some people don’t take them to the annual checkup unless there is something wrong. I wonder if someone could’ve asked you questions to maybe elicit some responses that would’ve triggered them to suggest this test or that test. I see SO many people who are survivors of ruptures or survivors of aneurysm surgery, so it definitely does happen. I wonder if that time you were driving around in the city, saying you were lost, was really our first clue. I would have to say it was. I wonder if there were any other clues. I wonder if that’s why you were writing stuff down a lot. I guess I could go on forever. Been great being in the gym so much lately. Think I burned myself out working out so hard, but it’s literally one of the best things. Beautiful day in Manayunk today. You would probably have called me at 10 on your way to Heather’s. Sometimes I wake up and I say, “I haven’t heard from Mom in a while…” It’s weird how the mind works. Like one of the girls said, “it’s like you’re on this long vacation and we will someday get you back…” I can’t believe how many posts we have here now. It really is a source of peace and calm for me. Something we strive for so much in life. More and more I distance myself from drama or even people pushing me in a direction I don’t feel comfortable with. Hope to get to the beach one more time maybe. Maybe a trip up north. That bike ride alone made me feel good, but that feeling is temporary. Taking some steps to jump into that next phase of life. I wish you were here. Man, you would probably be on my ear about every little thing. I just wish you were here in general. I wish you were decorating for Halloween. As Elfie sits down to my left on the shelf, I think of how big a kick you got out of giving us that. You always laughed hard like it was the first time you saw it. I think back to many times, good and bad, life…that time just rolled right by. I don’t like to think about missed opportunities, but I feel like you really wanted to do SO much more. So much more good for you, for us, for everyone, just to have people together. I know everyone misses you. I truly empathize with those who have lost their mother or father the last year; and many close to us have. You really don’t appreciate what you have until they are gone forever. It is a pain that cannot be passed from one person to another. I realize that each person gets hit with such force, every impact is different. Like when rocks hit other surfaces. Dents the grass. The grass will grow back. Maybe different than it was there before. Or when a rock hits another rock, both are impacted, the abrasions can be seen on both rocks. One stays and one may keep rolling along. It’s crazy how nature imitates life in so many ways. I think about the “lasts” I had with you. I know others do as well. I am SO happy we departed on good terms that day and after a great meal at The Erin. I truly will always cherish that day. I really will. It tied in so many things and a big hug. I know that when you left the house every day, if the sun was shining, you were good to go. While this may have been the end of your physical life, I know it was not the end of your spiritual life. The more I think about it, it may be the start of a new life for me. A life to leave the past in the past, not stress over things or people that provide no positivity or just people that don’t get it. This has definitely pushed me to be around people who “get” life, can laugh at the mundane, cherish the private wins, and if they’re in their car, alone, they can cry or smile about something or someone special…..cause this life is a one-time deal. You can’t take it back and you can’t carry it all the places you’re going, but you can think about it, you dream about it, you can be about it….life. Love you! Bobby



Comments

Popular posts from this blog

9/11/01

Sometimes I can’t

Clover