The Summer Wind
I took a nice long bike ride yesterday. Helped to clear the head and man, sore all over today. Typically only the legs. Definitely back in the workout routine and loving it. I read your post about Pop Pop and now, I totally get your words even more than when you wrote them. I try to focus on all the good times you two had together. All the trips. The time down the shore and the can. You guys really did have a special bond. As he seemed to have with all of his kids. I do miss him, but I laugh when I think of him. He was just such an amazing person. Always just there to listen, or talk and laugh. So many gestures he would make…and just a man who genuinely liked being around people. People of all ages, races, sexes and whatever else. Ha. I know you guys had so much time in the car rides up and down the coast. You living down on Asbury seemed to be like Heaven for both of you. I have fond memories of that tiny house and the step and the quiet you both really wanted. I even think you had some of the old edgehill furniture there. Like I say, I wish you two just stayed there. It was a great spot. Yesterday must’ve been my turn to help. Lots of time on the phone talking about things. Very wide range of things. Anyhow, it’s cool today. About 65. Summer is seemingly winding down. I was trying, like I remembered reading about Pop Pop, all the things from your past. What I realized is that you were definitely someone living in the moment. So many verses and quotes tell us to practice mindfulness and live in the now, the moment. More and more I am trying to practice that. Not a life of comparing, bickering, or theoreticals. I mean, cause all of that is just bullshit. Yesterday I spent a good hour or two listening to two friends talk about things. Things that concerned them and those around them. It’s amazing when you just slow down and take the time to truly digest what people are saying and don’t just react. I know we all react, but like 15 years ago or so when a manager at Siemens said to me, “wait a day and see if that still bothers you as much…and then respond…” Geez. Actually learned something at work. Ha. Just trying to hold on to all those great times and moments we had between you, me and Pop Pop. Such a simple, easy life all the time. I don’t know where it all went, but it seemed to go so quick, but I know it didn’t. I would religiously check up on Pop Pop about 3 times a week and talk to you about the same. Sometimes I get down about the times we weren’t talking, but we both know that is not what either of us wanted. Now that we can no longer talk, my God, does it seem so ridiculous? Some people will say that’s just family sometimes and that’s all well and good. It’s really just so different when the person you want to talk to is gone for good. Like Pop Pop with you and you with me and the girls. We all want to just talk with you. A nice simple conversation with our hero…on a couch, a patio, a step, a deck, or the beach. This summer has been such a much better summer than last year. Really from beginning to now. So much less drama and stress and just wasted time worrying about people and places that don’t even matter. I am grateful for our survival. I know we may still be in survival mode, but I see us thriving in some spaces and learning in others. I feel like we are all a bit slower, a bit more quiet and calm. Like a quote from one of my favorite movies, “It’s time for quiet Shakes…” Reading more now. Reading about mindfulness. Very interesting how you can re-wire your brain. I talk to you often. Sometimes through tears and sometimes a “Heyyyyyy Pat…..” The windows of the apartment are open. It’s hard to imagine leaving here, but I know it’s time. It’s been time. Even though Umbria was also part of you in the last 10 years. Always remember you sneaking a smoke before you would come in and I would open the door and walk out to see you in your car. In some way, I think driving all over and staying out was your therapy. It was your time to enjoy the solace of a car ride and being out and about amongst the masses. You never, ever shied away from that. Well, you were a scaredy cat when it came to me doing mach five through the NYC underground on our way to Rhody. Hahaha. Man, we sure did have some special times up there. That will never ever change. When I go there, I will always think of you and the times we spent up there. I know we were very lucky to have spent 40 years together. I think of that number and I am like WOW sometimes. Today, I can speak of loss and I can speak of losing a parent, but I try to remain positive in the notion that I was teamed up with such an amazing human being. A person that would not abandon her children for anything and someone who truly wanted to make sure each of her children felt loved, felt compassion and felt support. I think about how many practices I went to for those 20+ years. I wonder what you thought and I know you were just sending me out to the world to do what I loved. You never once got on me about being down about games or the handful of times I may have not made a team and when I did come home, uniforms dirty, spikes muddly, sunburnt, you never griped about cleaning my stuff…until I got so picky I cleaned my own.
When I was riding, I smell the green baseball grass turning to yellow dry cut football grass. I can smell fall coming, but summer hanging on. I think of all those years wrapping up baseball season and starting the fall; be it football, college, moving away or just the seasons. I don’t think you would’ve liked staying somewhere that didn’t have seasons cause I think you truly appreciated all they had to offer. I am so grateful that I was so close to you. After speaking with so many people, I realize that one opinion versus a thousand means nothing. The relationship you had with your kids was so special that they were empowered to go out and create their niche in the world. A nurse, a restaurant manager, two city slickers, and a wonderful, strong mother. Oh, and five degrees from one of the best schools in PA. Go State! They won 79-7 by the way. I am also happy you made several trips up there. Another one of the best places on Earth. Man, did it all fly by in a blink. Maybe I will see it that way when I am a parent. Then again I will probably be retired raising my kids. That may be the goal now. A little side job maybe fixing mixers and power wheels somewhere. Ha. Well Mom, I do plan on connecting with you soon. Hopefully you come through with a good message for us. Like I said recently, we’re not going to make it because we can, we’re going to make it because we have to. And you will get your place at the beach. I promise you that. Love you. Bobby
I totally forgot I got this for your from Newport.