I can see you calling me this morning with your sleepy, scratchy, stayed up too late voice...."Bobby.....didja see that game?.....Like...Wow....Go Eagles! Go Eagles! Woot Woot" Ah, those are the things I miss most about you. Always a pleasant or funny thing to say or talk about. Just pure positivity. It's truly a beautiful morning today. Slept like a champ. Lisa went to a psychic and she was told some pretty incredible things. I wish you had maybe come to one of us about being confused. I said that the getting lost in the city for two hours may have been the only time you told me anything about being confused. I guess you were embarrassed to talk about something that maybe you thought someone would laugh at or think silly, but I remember when you told me and I didn't think it was silly or funny. I said it happens....looking back I don't believe that being lost in the city you've known your whole life for two hours just happens. Especially not Center City. I really wish you felt like you could just open up to anyone and confide if you were scared. It is definitely not a sign of weakness to say you were scared or concerned. Maybe we could've at least started a talk with a doctor. We may have had more time to get you some help before things went dark. I guess that's the thing about all of this. People saying, "oh, you can't do anything...you never saw it coming...she didn't know...blah blah blah...." I think a lot of doctors would put together your smoking and your constant stress and worrying and done some tests. I mean, I read about people getting stents, coils, diverters every God damn day on that facebook page. People who are given a second chance. Some ruptures and some that just had a checkup that lead to more tests. Tired of hearing people say you can't do anything...you can if you take the time and want to. In any case, don't want to get all fired up. It's been a nice fall thus far. A ton less stressed than last year. I don't really know what is going on at the house. I don't go there. For the most part, we all have a tangible part of you. I can't worry much about the other stuff any more. What's done is done. I just wish we had more time with you. 61 is just too young to me. It's sad to see people who are very young die. It's like people had so much more life to live. I hope in some way, like the psychic said, you do come and see us at night. I hope you were as happy as she said you were once you saw Pop Pop. I know you missed him ever since the day he passed. I know that was hard for you. The two of you should've been down the beach, relaxing and enjoying life. Not cooped up in some cramped house. I know he enjoyed spending time with you wherever. With what he had saved back in that time, easily could've paid rent or a down payment on a small condo or house. I don't know why it never happened. Instead the constant back and forth to Delco.....and then the downfall of the shop. I wish so bad I could rewind to those days I would visit him there. Tell him it's time to retire and enjoy his life more. I guess I know that was his life, but you guys picked right up fixing stuff down the shore. Time just flew by...and here we are today...missing the two people who meant the most in our lives. The two people that brought out the best in most of us or who just gave us so many reasons to be happy. It's hard to look at videos of you. It's bittersweet. I am thankful that this is not a year ago. I had way too much to handle between all that medical stuff. I honestly don't even remember last fall cause I was doing so much every day with the girls and your care to get you into any type of specialist we could. I know you would be proud of all of your kids for trying to do what we thought was best for you. Giving you a chance. Like we thought, you did prove the doctors wrong. Not in the way we'd hoped, but they were off by about 6-7 months. Maybe those were the times you could hear us. Maybe those were the times you knew we sat by your side and talked and cried. Those times we slept in the same room with you.....as we did as babies. Those times I tried to play music for you. Those times where I wish I didn't have those times.....I guess I knew they might come at some point, but not like that....I hope some part of your senses picked up on how much love me and the girls constantly showed you. We all really did visit you a ton. I don't think you went 2-3 days without one of us coming to see you. I know life will be very different and it has been. In a way, your passing may have been the alarm on what has to change. What has to be left in the past and what needs to be carried into the future. I don't feel like I am being bound to any type of requirement or rule. I have absolutely nothing that I feel I need to answer for at this point. In a way, nothing holding me back from doing what I want. I know you wanted to do more for yourself. More for us. More for everyone. It's hard cause I know that's all you wanted to do was help people....and that's a quality I notice very few people carryout on the daily. I know you are up in Heaven and I pray that you look out for us, visit us, surround us in the love you did while you were here on Earth. We truly miss you every day. It pains me that the kids cannot hug you, but I hope to keep your spirit alive in these writings and in all the pictures we have of you. We have so many. Love you. Bobby


Popular posts from this blog


The Working Girl