Hong Kong

Hot and rainy here today Mom. Actually don’t mind it after blazing heat the last few days. Last night I order some Chinese food. Of course I immediately thought of all those times you would get Chinese. So many places I think. Seven stars. I think that place actually looked Oriental. No. 1 China near Subway and then Hong Kong. I told Lisa last night, “I wonder if they are thinking what happened to our number 1 customer, Mrs. Patti. That’s all you really liked to splurge on, clothes and food. You even enjoyed going to thrift and consignment stores if it could save the family money or it would allow you to do more for your kids. Really speaks volumes of you. Anyhow, I remember you would leave me a little bit in the container. Typically shrimp fried rice. As Lisa said, “she would pay the extra 2.00 for extra shrimp…” I can’t even say the last time we sat down to have Chinese food together like I did when I was a kid. While that bums me out, I know you enjoyed working a hard day, coming home, probably too hot to cook and you would just have it delivered. You would eat on the couch and watch TV. It’s funny cause when I did that at Edgehill, Pop Pop would always say, “That’s not normal Bobby….that’s filthy….” Haaaaaaa. Meester Kenney. Anyhow, food was good, but I definitely lost it after reading Lisa’s text. Hit me like a bomb. It was quick and again just a wondering where you are. What you’re doing up in Heaven. Hoping you are just happy and feel loved. Work is going. Summer is flying by as Chrissy noted. Trying to get down the shore, but just had a few things up here and weather was “iffy”. It’s still hard for me to think what I will feel sitting on the beach and knowing you’re not coming to us. I have this mental picture of being on the beach and seeing this blurry figure down by the water, letting the salty water fall over your feet and just looking out into the horizon. Not looking back in the past, but just looking toward the future and the beauty of the ocean. I try not to focus on anything negative from the past. My past, your past, our past. It truly gets you nowhere. Plus, I think about you saying, “leave those losers in the past…don’t let them take time on the brain or your heart….” Haaaaaa. I can hear you saying that. I shared your “go to the beach” voicemail with everyone who is friends on your page. Everyone seemed to either need a dose of Patti or had been thinking of you. The summer has been pretty low key. I decided against going down the shore for the 4th and chose to stay up here. Actually worked on my car and got those speakers replaced. First time and it was cool to hear the finished product. Lisa was in Sea Isle. Kathy was at The Biscuit and Felon Beach. Definitely know I enjoy Brig and the north side more than SIC. It’s been easier to just replace bad memories with good ones. Reading a lot. I hurt my back while we were on the cruise and it has taken a long time to heal. I was doing PT and now do it at home. It’s such a slow process. Doc said nothing I really could do about it. Said it was probably from a sudden movement that things just didn’t go their normal way. Anyhow, such is life. Life seems simpler this summer. Aside from the typical work/life stress, been pretty chill and happy. Definitely looking forward to the next phase and some more grass, maybe some more water (salty or fresh will do). If I wanted to do this job forever, legit would just get a place at the shore and call it a day. Even thinking about renting, but summer is kinda over. Decisions. Lots of people making moves in their careers and living situations. It’s good to see positive change. It’s good to celebrate friends and family doing well and them appreciating your support. I think in some way I missed out on that last year….celebrating people. You know what I mean….Thankfully God has been good to me and keeping me swimming. Hopefully swimming toward that someone that is meant to be in my life. I want to write more, but I am starving. I am thinking Wawa. That’s another thing. It gives me happiness and sadness all at once. I think if we did that thing they do at places like for kids. Painted footprints on the ground in different colors….ALL of the places you went. My God! The entire county and probably city and states of PA and NJ would be covered with your rainbow footprints. You never shied away from really getting out of the house and experiencing life. I even think of you when I am like, oh, I will just sit in and watch tv or whatever and it hits me. That’s not who my mom raised. That’s not who my mom was. That’s not the life she wanted. You were an explorer. I know you liked a few shows, but you were not a house mouse. Well, aside from raising us. Ha. Part of me wishes that I could just sit in your passenger seat and let you drive us all around or vice versa. You and your little Corolla that you were so proud to have gotten on your own, with your own money and paid it off! Think that might be the only car that was ever paid off from start to finish in our house. Haha. I don’t know. You became so good at paying your bills and saving. Legit probably could’ve ran a major company. In a way I wish you went that route, but I know you were supposed to be a Mom and boy were you great at it. As you would say, “HOF”. Ok. Well. I miss you a lot. That will never go away. I am so grateful for so many people who have support me and the girls since day one. So many people…proud of us for dealing with such a tragic event with dignity and class and love. I laugh now cause I think of people who have opinions on that topic, but like I said, I can’t sit here and tell someone what to do in a war because I have never been through a war. I guess people just like to hear themselves talk. I am so proud of how we handled everything from start to finish. Even if you have things in place, it is still a tremendous burden to carry on making those decisions. I still don’t know how I didn’t blow a gasket through all of it. I guess in some ways, that strength I always knew I had, came to the front and allowed me to navigate through those rough waters. Never again will I ever say, “I know how you feel…” unless I REALLY know how the person feels from the same experience. Like I said to Jake yesterday, it’s like an out of body experience. We talked at how over the moon you would be at Bennett and his chubby little face and beautiful coif of hair. It’s amazing. I am just grateful he is healthy and beautiful and we get to enjoy yet another child growing up amongst such great people. Life is good. We miss you down here Mom. Please know that. Not a second goes by that we don’t. And although you are no longer with us, you are our one and only mother…from birth to death. Love, Your Son, Bobby

PS Tell Pop Pop I still wanna take him out for a sandwich at the “Shack” and two cold beers…two. See you when I get up there.