Ocean Drive
Hi Mom, hope wherever you are, you feel at ease and not stressed.
Been reading a lot on how stress impacts the mind and body. It’s truly amazing
what daily stress can do to our minds and bodies and our overall circulatory
system. The body is amazing, but when under constant stress, it can just reject
itself. I wonder a lot how much daily stress you were under.
https://academic.oup.com/neurosurgery/article-abstract/84/5/1065/4973680
I know you always worried about money issues and the house. I think about what I have spent my money on in the last 20 years and I wish I could’ve just given it to you to relieve or stress or just to allow you to make a new life for yourself somewhere you really wanted to be. I can’t even imagine how much it weighed on you. In any case, I know you did your best to not have you weigh you down. I also know how much it hurt you to tell us many times, “well, that’s all I have to give…it was out of my pocket….” Even with that you always managed a card, a meal or even a nice gift that was out of nowhere. I know you definitely could’ve lived a much better life. I think I recognized very, very early on. I also know that you eventually had to take the reigns for your own financial freedom. I am still shocked you were able to save so much even with dealing with the issues in the house. Probably not surprised to know that nothing has changed at 988, but at least you’re not on the hook for rent. I wish you had taken me up on my offers for some other living situations. Looking back, we should’ve just showed you, instead of just talking. Life is just not the same. There is an absolutely huge void. I woke up the other day after attending a family birthday party and I said, “I wonder why mom didn’t show up..?” I was actually asking myself that question. As if you were still here. It was a good time nonetheless. I guess I am getting tired of “making the best of it” in life without you around. In talking with a close family relative, she agreed, why you? Why this way? Why are we without you? We both said we will never, ever understand it. And why are we left with this pieces of a shattered life to put back together. I hurt for the other Folcroft families who have lost parents and uncles. I was talking to Donna Costello at the benefit for my buddy at the Delms. We had a nice conversation about you and the signs she saw in the past few months. Thankfully I didn’t break down. I think because I had so many of my close friends from the last 41 years around me. Man. Did we have a great time?! So many stories about the good old days. So many stories about all the great people in the village and how we just come together for one of our own. Not having the ability to truly look into your eyes when you were in the hospital and tell you I love you was very hard. So I made sure I told my friend, that this party is for him because of everyone who loves him. That’s all that really matters. I shrug any snide comments or negativity right off my shoulders. Like I’ve been doing since last year, removing the wastes and losers from my life has become very easy. I don’t have time for their bullshit and unhappiness cause they hate their own lives and know that this is really all that’s going to happen for them. I can’t help it that I can travel, see other places, enjoy other foods and people….but I wish you could be here to go on all my travels. It’s been fun, but always something missing. Just the fact that you would make sure I landed was a lot. It’s starting to get warm. I really haven’t spent much time at the shore cause it hasn’t really been the “perfect beach day”. I am looking forward to enjoying the beach and the ocean. A heck of a lot more than last year. Haha. No more drama. Just back to our simple lives, at the shore, at the biscuit, with all the friends and family that love us. I am grateful for all the support we constantly have. Whether it’s a relative sending old pictures, or talking about you, or just saying, I miss my sister/friend/neighbor; it all has been great. It really makes me realize the legacy of love and care you have left behind. And it’s great to hear how much people have learned from you and the life you lead. Almost the WWPD What would Patti Do? I miss your calls coming back from work. I miss trying to convince you to stop by even with your work clothes on. You would always say, “Ewwwww…Bobby….I can’t go out like this…..” I still have a lot of moments. Dreams are filled with so much, but also different people. As if you want me to think about them or check up on them. Just like anyone who has gone through such a tragic experience, I have my good days and I have my bad days. I am super grateful to have a much better support system than I did when everything happened and I don’t have to concern myself with other people’s issues. I think I actually believed much more in my own strength while we went through August to February more than I ever have. Almost like invincible, but still having to deal with the impact of the emotions. As many who have lost parents have said, you really do not understand this place until you’re here. It’s so true. Well, going to get going. Please give Mom Mom and Pop Pop a HUGE hug for me. I miss them dearly. Tell John the Flyers didn’t make the playoffs. Tell Uncle Harry to work on his golf swing or I am gonna give him a knucle sandwich. It makes me laugh and cry to say their names, but I have to. I never want to forget anything about them. This site has really grown into something great. I never could’ve imagined I could write so much about you. By the way, Ocean Drive made the top road trips to hit in the US. I got chills just thinking of all our good times up there and when Kathy first saw that part of the coast. I think about the day I go up there with another special woman in my life. It’s truly a special place and I am grateful I got to share it with some special women in my life. Life really is too short. I’ve been getting a lot of concerts in thanks to Jason. I can’t even remember right now what nickname you have for him. Maybe Furball. I always remember Peetleman. Ha. We all miss you so much. It was like you were there on Saturday, sitting around, enjoying so much good food and seeing all the kids. All the Fehrle girls were having a ball. For a few minutes, I took a video of everyone, and for a moment, life seemed somewhat normal. That night reality hit and I had a hard time with you not being there. Like we miss you and you’re missing out. I know I could’ve done more for you. I know I should’ve just helped you more. Helped you live the life you really wanted. The kids. The beach. The safety. The sun. I know I will see you again. I realize that. I am happy you are in Heaven. I am happy that you are somewhere you can smile all day long. Bobby
https://academic.oup.com/neurosurgery/article-abstract/84/5/1065/4973680
I know you always worried about money issues and the house. I think about what I have spent my money on in the last 20 years and I wish I could’ve just given it to you to relieve or stress or just to allow you to make a new life for yourself somewhere you really wanted to be. I can’t even imagine how much it weighed on you. In any case, I know you did your best to not have you weigh you down. I also know how much it hurt you to tell us many times, “well, that’s all I have to give…it was out of my pocket….” Even with that you always managed a card, a meal or even a nice gift that was out of nowhere. I know you definitely could’ve lived a much better life. I think I recognized very, very early on. I also know that you eventually had to take the reigns for your own financial freedom. I am still shocked you were able to save so much even with dealing with the issues in the house. Probably not surprised to know that nothing has changed at 988, but at least you’re not on the hook for rent. I wish you had taken me up on my offers for some other living situations. Looking back, we should’ve just showed you, instead of just talking. Life is just not the same. There is an absolutely huge void. I woke up the other day after attending a family birthday party and I said, “I wonder why mom didn’t show up..?” I was actually asking myself that question. As if you were still here. It was a good time nonetheless. I guess I am getting tired of “making the best of it” in life without you around. In talking with a close family relative, she agreed, why you? Why this way? Why are we without you? We both said we will never, ever understand it. And why are we left with this pieces of a shattered life to put back together. I hurt for the other Folcroft families who have lost parents and uncles. I was talking to Donna Costello at the benefit for my buddy at the Delms. We had a nice conversation about you and the signs she saw in the past few months. Thankfully I didn’t break down. I think because I had so many of my close friends from the last 41 years around me. Man. Did we have a great time?! So many stories about the good old days. So many stories about all the great people in the village and how we just come together for one of our own. Not having the ability to truly look into your eyes when you were in the hospital and tell you I love you was very hard. So I made sure I told my friend, that this party is for him because of everyone who loves him. That’s all that really matters. I shrug any snide comments or negativity right off my shoulders. Like I’ve been doing since last year, removing the wastes and losers from my life has become very easy. I don’t have time for their bullshit and unhappiness cause they hate their own lives and know that this is really all that’s going to happen for them. I can’t help it that I can travel, see other places, enjoy other foods and people….but I wish you could be here to go on all my travels. It’s been fun, but always something missing. Just the fact that you would make sure I landed was a lot. It’s starting to get warm. I really haven’t spent much time at the shore cause it hasn’t really been the “perfect beach day”. I am looking forward to enjoying the beach and the ocean. A heck of a lot more than last year. Haha. No more drama. Just back to our simple lives, at the shore, at the biscuit, with all the friends and family that love us. I am grateful for all the support we constantly have. Whether it’s a relative sending old pictures, or talking about you, or just saying, I miss my sister/friend/neighbor; it all has been great. It really makes me realize the legacy of love and care you have left behind. And it’s great to hear how much people have learned from you and the life you lead. Almost the WWPD What would Patti Do? I miss your calls coming back from work. I miss trying to convince you to stop by even with your work clothes on. You would always say, “Ewwwww…Bobby….I can’t go out like this…..” I still have a lot of moments. Dreams are filled with so much, but also different people. As if you want me to think about them or check up on them. Just like anyone who has gone through such a tragic experience, I have my good days and I have my bad days. I am super grateful to have a much better support system than I did when everything happened and I don’t have to concern myself with other people’s issues. I think I actually believed much more in my own strength while we went through August to February more than I ever have. Almost like invincible, but still having to deal with the impact of the emotions. As many who have lost parents have said, you really do not understand this place until you’re here. It’s so true. Well, going to get going. Please give Mom Mom and Pop Pop a HUGE hug for me. I miss them dearly. Tell John the Flyers didn’t make the playoffs. Tell Uncle Harry to work on his golf swing or I am gonna give him a knucle sandwich. It makes me laugh and cry to say their names, but I have to. I never want to forget anything about them. This site has really grown into something great. I never could’ve imagined I could write so much about you. By the way, Ocean Drive made the top road trips to hit in the US. I got chills just thinking of all our good times up there and when Kathy first saw that part of the coast. I think about the day I go up there with another special woman in my life. It’s truly a special place and I am grateful I got to share it with some special women in my life. Life really is too short. I’ve been getting a lot of concerts in thanks to Jason. I can’t even remember right now what nickname you have for him. Maybe Furball. I always remember Peetleman. Ha. We all miss you so much. It was like you were there on Saturday, sitting around, enjoying so much good food and seeing all the kids. All the Fehrle girls were having a ball. For a few minutes, I took a video of everyone, and for a moment, life seemed somewhat normal. That night reality hit and I had a hard time with you not being there. Like we miss you and you’re missing out. I know I could’ve done more for you. I know I should’ve just helped you more. Helped you live the life you really wanted. The kids. The beach. The safety. The sun. I know I will see you again. I realize that. I am happy you are in Heaven. I am happy that you are somewhere you can smile all day long. Bobby
Comments
Post a Comment