Cardi P

I don’t know why this weekend was any more difficult than the last, but I guess it was all the excitement about the weather and what not. I think really the first weekend we got that was totally sunny and nice out. Lots of people posting pics about the shore and being at the beach. Lots going on in the city. For some reason just got to me and was really overwhelming. Not really excited to experience my first summer without you around. All the times you were looking out for all of us to just enjoy the weather and whatever was going on. Always inviting and friendly. Can’t even count how many times I would say I was with friends or whatever and you would say, “well bring them along….” In a way me not accepting that invite saved a lot of hassle. Sunday was super hard. I just thought about all the time I had spent out and about or doing whatever, as they say, “living life”, but thinking of where you may have been. If you were sad or happy. Maybe just in your head about wanting to change and have a better life. Wishing you had some nice summer shore house, as you definitely should’ve. I see families that were very similar to ours growing up, but somehow managed to make that dream come true. It bothers me that it couldn’t happen for you as you truly deserved it with how much you worked and did so much for others. I look for answers and hope they come, but I don’t really get many. Here and there. Life is so very different without you. And around holidays even more so. I still have all the cards you sent over the years. So many kind words from the heart. As if you knew some day, you couldn’t speak to me, you gave me enough to not have anything to refer to. I still keep those pretty private. I just wish we could’ve had more time enjoying life and less time worrying about making ends meet or you paying your “rent” at 988. I don’t really get that at all. Then again, I don’t think anyone would get life there. Lam has moved out. You would’ve probably liked her little spot. She seems very happy. I know it was a lot on her and I did help her in the ways I was able to. Been trying to get out of the house as much as possible cause it downright sucks to be here alone for any amount of time. I will try to make this summer so much better than the last one, but August is staring at me like a big white elephant. Have some events and birthdays coming up. Some for friends, some for family, and some concerts. Excited to be back in my groove and enjoying the good people and places I go. While I know I am a different person than I was last summer, in a way, I am just feeling like I am on a boat going through the storms as well as the sunny days. It’s quite the journey. Some changes at work that I am not too thrilled about, but when something like this happens, I can now put things in a much larger perspective as nothing in my life will be harder than what we went through in late 2018 early 2019. It almost makes me laugh when I think of the ridiculous drama I was involved in last year. A complete joke to even know I stressed like that. I feel shamed, but I also feel completely relieved. In some way I hope that was your doing. Saving me from impending terrible times and just giving me back the life, family, friends, and joy I am used to being around. I know you were still here with us, so I am hoping you had some doing in that. Been going out to a lot of cool places to meet people lately. With lots of good food. Triangle Tavern, Royal Tavern, few places in Fishtown. Sancho Pistola’s, Pineville Tavern. Who knew there were so many great places to eat?! I remember you were so interested in going to that one place, that escapes me right now. Jason and I have gone to a few shows/concerts so far. One at Johnny Brenda’s and the other at BB&T. An amazing day of performers. So many people and so much fun. Closed out with the Lumineers. Amazing show. I realize how much I missed last summer, but thankfully, a very distant memory doing nothing. Have some more concerts lined up for the 22nd and 23rd. I always think of you Mom. Even when I have a great day, I say, “Mom would really have enjoyed today….” I thank you for always staying so connected and involved in our lives. I know that we were your lifeline and we will continue to be that way. I still have tons of emails, pictures, and videos to keep me going. The shore will never be the same without you, but I plan on making it down there to accomplish what I didn’t last summer. As always, you will be close at heart. Bobby


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