My Ambassador of Goodwill

Hey Mom. Well, you’re finally up near us and closer to all of us now. Over there in Plymouth Meeting. It’s actually a nice place with lots of grass and trees. You’ve opened your eyes a few times, but still sleeping. Been thinking a lot lately. Just a lot about the last time we hugged and I saw you. It was the day before my birthday. We had a nice dinner at the Erin. I think we both got seafood combos. Of course you had coffee with your meal. We talked about things. Not everything was as positive as we both probably would’ve liked. You even had them bring out a little slice of cheesecake for me. I guess you thought I liked cheesecake, but I don't. You said have some and I said I didn't like it and I gave it to you. Who would've thought? We went outside and you and I talked in the alley and you gave me my gifts. A cool Sixers shirt and an Eagles hoody. Typically I am always critical before I am thankful. This time, the last time I got anything from you, I said I loved them. We went our seperate ways. I called you when I got home. This is hard to type. You said, "You could've come here. There is no one here, but me. You could've stayed here....I'm all alone...." It breaks my heart Mom. It truly just handicaps me. I know, like Pop Pop, you just wanted someone to talk to because many times you were alone at home, no one to take you out or watch a movie or shoot the shit with. It really hit me hard when I thought about that night. Of course I did not come there. I made it a point to say that wasn't my home. Now realizing that while 988 Grant is not my home, you are home to me. It's really hard to accept that. Hard to accept I stayed in my apartment and didn't come to you. It's hard to live with that.

 Now I just think about all the years that you tried to make do with so little. And you did. You did the best you could in a bad situation. I am amazed, now, how you were able to make so much seem normal when a lot wasn’t normal. All the times you said, “it was the best I could do or I only had X amount of dollars or your father only gave me X amount of money….” Today I know that you did SO much with literally nothing and I don’t blame you for not knowing more about what was going on. I mean, how could you? You kept working hard up until your incident. Even after retiring, you kept working and helping out. You definitely deserved a better life at the house and not always having to beg for things. Not that our house was filled with anything fancy. I just realize how painful it must’ve been to not know what was going on and have to reach out for help. I get that now. I even feel bad about asking for certain things for Christmas because you must’ve literally had to count every red cent because you didn’t have much to work with. What I now know was nothing that you could’ve ever known. Someday all of this will come to light. I really just admire you for making a home for us that was filled with things that money can’t buy. Like your love was always free. I know what you were up against and I know you were scared to bring it up, but I don’t fault you. You can’t try to live a normal life when you’re in a world of abnormality and mistrust. I am happy that no matter what you wore, or what you had money for, or what you gave us, you always are a good person who loves to smile and give hugs and cheer people up. And that’s what people remember. That’s what people really admire. That’s what really makes this world go around. It’s not dollars and cents because that changes with time. All I know is you were never greedy, never selfish and never someone to choose yourself over the greater good of the group. That’s what family is about. And you ARE family. You are truly the only parent I have….no matter what. I wish I could’ve helped you more. I wish I would’ve just pulled you out of there and just had you realize that you were entitled to so much more than you were ever given. Bia said not to look in hindsight, but it’s hard not to look at the past. I just don’t get it. Someone who sacrificed so much for her family, someone who loves her family so much, and here we are…..and also the family we are left with misses the number one. We all miss you mom. We miss you so much. Bobby

Not sure if I took this picture, but man, you loved The Bitty. I think Colleen got you these Charles Chips. You were so happy when she stopped over and brought all your little gifts. Never forget that. 

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

9/11/01

The Working Girl

PattiByTheRoad?