The last few days at work have been nothing but the most trying times of my time at this place. Things moving at lightning speed and many things being forgotten by people and customers just being dumbasses. It was a beautiful morning as I drove home from Lisa’s house. I got a chance to spend some time with the boys last night. Kane and I finished our dinner and we went and walked to DQ. We got some Blizzards. For a time, it was like life was normal and happy. We talked about the money he saved and he said, “Well, I don’t really have any renovations to make….or any bills…” to spend his money on. Haha. I was cracking up. I know you would’ve been laughing. Acey being his happy and goofy self. You really are just missing out on them. When I was eating my Blizzard, Kane asked me, “so did you pick a girlfriend yet?” hahahaha. He also wants to be a YouTube superstar. Hahaha. He told me my videos didn’t have many special effects and I told him that they’re mostly about friends and family and being outside. Haha. I slept up in the top floor. I was relaxed. My numbers were good all night. Before I went to sleep, I saw your basket in the corner. Untouched like you just came back from the shore. Your clothes still folded. Your glasses still in the bottom of your big pocketbook. Your jeans folded so neatly, your sandals with sand still on them. A thermometer in the side pocket. Like who carries around a thermometer?? Ha. Your stuff all fresh and clean. I miss just seeing you in your natural habitat. It’s like a clear pane of clean glass was broken down the middle and I have to walk past it every day. I don’t think I will ever make sense of that. I don’t think my friends have made sense of their losses and their hurt either. I guess this was “our” time to go through this part of life. It sure will harden you.
This morning I woke up and got ready to leave and Bia and
Lucy showed up. Such a good surprise. I got into my car and it was a nice ride
home and then thrust back into work Hell. Shotgunning responses and trying to help
people make sense of stuff they should know how to do. Realizing that I am
worth more than this. Better than this. I just about want to give my two weeks
and take August off with my vaca. When I was stressed to the max this morning,
a car drove by, blaring the song of a place I loved when I went and just about
the coast. It was “Hotel California”. I just stopped working, and sat there
with my head down. I know that was you trying to tell me to say “fuck it” and
step away from the bullshit that is work. I hope someday I don’t hate my job,
but it might be another 10 years….til I do something I enjoy…living somewhere I
don’t hate like I do Manayunk. I cant wait to get out of here. I appreciate you
giving me a break. I need to eat before my calls this afternoon and then I am
hoping to see a message that you’re ok from my meeting later. That would be nice.
We all miss you Mom. I see you as I walk around this area since you came down
so many times, sitting on my couch with your clear bag of stuff, getting ready
to go get “some food”. Toni Roni’s, Deke’s, it all seems so long ago. I don’t
want to forget that those fun times happened.
We sure did have a great time in Mexico. If anything, I am glad we had that time together.