“If we live truly, we shall see truly . . . When we have new perception, we shall gladly disburden the memory of its hoarded treasures as old rubbish.” Ralph Waldo Emerson
In some alternate reality, I am just sitting here with my windows open as the city quiets down and folks on the beast coast enjoy a nice fall night. Someone has a fire pit going in the town and the smoke seems to travel well here. I am pulled back to The Can, to The Biscuit. The smell of dried burning leaves and the world quieting down. Now, maybe more than ever, I know that peace and happiness are so much more valuable than debates and criticism. Somewhere we got caught in the blur of life. I blame technology. Ha. I think about what you would be doing. A relaxing Sunday of visits, a pot of gravy with some ravs, maybe a roast and some veggies. A call to ask me if I want to stop by for dinner. How I thought those invites would never end. How I value your cooked meals filling my belly with nutrients and love and the simple fact you just liked having us over, just liked company. Just liked people. I think about you taking your boxes of fall and Halloween stuff out. I can imagine those tin...
That night...of my birthday. Such a nice time. At the Erin. I really never told many people about it. We had such a nice dinner. I think we both had like surf & turf meals. Think I had the steak and a crab cake and a beer. I know I have a picture of it somewhere. I can remember it so vividly coming out to your car. You were just like "I got you a little something...." A hoodie and a Sixers shirt. I wore the hoody for this years Super Bowl Parade. I wore it proudly. I gave you a big hug and we parted ways. I really didn't think much of the next few hours. I got home to my apt in Manayunk. I called you to make sure you were ok. Vividly, on the phone, you said, "there's no one here...you should've just packed a bag and stayed here.....there's no one here." I really just didn't focus on it much at the time. After the fact, I felt so bad. I wondered how alone you were. I wondered why I hadn't just gone to the house with you, I wondered why why...
Hi Mom, I wish I could just call you up and talk to you....hell...I would drive to middle of the earth if you were there. I saw so many signs you've been around me since Dad passed. I oftened wondered if you were at Lisa's the last 3 mos. I didn't know. He is no longer suffering. No longer in pain. As sad as his passing was, the fact he is no longer in pain, struggling to do the most minimal of human tasks, brings me peace. As I shook hands and hugged so many people that loved both of you, I wondered how you would've felt if you were still with us. I felt like you were in line with us. I felt it many times. Hugging so many people. Theresa, Regina, Lucy, Donna, Colleen, Bob Johnston....so many people who knew our family. It was both heart breaking....and heart mending. I longed for those pure days on 988. I said that to Bob. We sure did have a great group of people. I just thought a lot about so much time...on that street. I think everyone who put effort into making the...
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