List Frank

You popped in my head when I saw this older black woman in the aisle I was in at Acme. She was so petite and cute and I could see she not only had a list, but it was on some fancy note paper with some type of picture in the corner with the list lines printed. Granted I know you always just pulled out of a copy book or wrote it down on the back of a receipt, atm receipt, marlboro box, cereal box, etc. Many times with the beautiful weather we've been having after some terrible rain, it is easy to be grateful of all the time we had. When hard times come, I have a quick, "can I get through this?" and most of the time it's a resounding yes. I think of the times when you went through some rough patches, questioned things, wanted to run, but were always there for your kids, and I think about the present and if something bothers me, is it really something that bothers me or is it something I can just get past and move on. The old, tomorrow is a new day seems to hold true. There's just no value in always feeling down or anxious or upset or constantly feeling like you need to change or improve. Sometimes the best you gave that day was your best. If you screwed up, so what? People screw up every day. I think social media has actually made peoples development worse cause you can screw up, but then post some shiny new toy or moment on social media and that is a band-aid for what is really hurting or bothering you. I said to someone recently. I am so happy we grew up without social media. Even without the internet. Most of it, well, the non usable, thirst for likes stuff, it's fake. I always laughed when I saw your cake post. I was talking to my friend Celena, friend from AP, over 30 years now. We were talking about her dog having diabetes and then she was sharing some pictures of her dog, her family with the dog, a beautiful black fluffy dog. Just a peaceful looking creature. All I could think of and what I shared with her was that we didn't have any pets growing up. We had that puppy for a half day before he shit and we sent him back. Then I lived with Pop Pop and Frank. I thought about those times. Aside from you passing and the events of early this year, some rough years that I brought on myself. But living with Pop Pop, at Edgehill, the fact I knew what I had to face during those times, walking in, being just happy to be alive, sitting there with Pop Pop and shooting the shit, little Franky just laying down next to his feet....watching news or 60 mins, scarfing my dinner down. When I had no money in my pocket, but longed for better days....those were really peaceful times. My bed upstairs, I dont know how I didn't break it. It was basically few planks of wood. Those years.....I knew that he enjoyed the company. It's weird cause many times, I don't remember you coming to see us, but I think some of the girls were definitely still in high school, so why have those expectations. I wish we all had some dinners at Edgehill. Even something easy like Double Decker pizza. Those times are a blur. I think cause of what had transpired in my life and then my exit to West Chester. Albeit, Pop Pop was always there to talk to. He never made me feel bad about the mistakes I made. Mistakes that I already felt terrible about. I guess that's where you got it from. As long as you're upright, you have a chance to change anything in your life. I am enjoying a slower life these days. Off social media. No longer need to keep up much. Not looking to be helping bunch of people out. No longer needing extended circles. Just some peace, some sand, some waves, somewhere....out there. Miss you Mom. We miss you every day. Say hi to Pop Pop Pop, Mom Mom, John and Kathy for me. We miss you all so very much. You truly truly realize how special people are to you.....when you can no longer hear their voice or feel their hugs. Bobby


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