I remember when Michael Jackson was really popular. I remember McCrory’s having some circular with the glove and his jacket; in red and black no less. Man, I remember me and guys used to steal so much from that place. A UNLV bucket hat here, a Georgetown tee there. That place did have everything. I remember begging you for the jacket. As terribly gay as that sounds. I remember you not really relenting. It may have very well been summer. I don’t know why. I guess I was just really into him at that age. I think I was like 8-10. Not sure. I think out of nowhere, I somehow got the glove. I thought that was so cool. Hahaha. I remember that glove against my skin. God. It was so cheap and flimsy, but I can still feel it. And seeing it shine like one of Liberace’s outfits. So gay. Haaaaaaaa. I remember running around with it. I made some cheesebread last night. I can’t believe I am writing this. I still love that shit! We took it up a notch and added sausage. Cheesebread 3.0. Man did that shit fill some bellies. Ha. I shared the pic with Sean and Steve. They were laughing. We all need laughs during this time. I really wish this happened when you were alive. I would’ve bit the bullet and stayed over there every day and worked from there and taken walks and just enjoyed being “home”. I think we could’ve binge watched Tiger King and you would’ve been cracking up about Joe Exotic and all his gay buddies, tigers and all that nonsense. Every gay and straight person in America have watched it. Ha. I told Kathy I watched The Keepers and she told me you had watched that. I was so shocked about that story. I mean SHOCKED. Think I am just going to worship God on the beach. Too much for me. I know wherever you are, the sun is shining. I imagine that’s your heaven. Sun, sand, water, salt, flip flops, pepsi, and good food. Maybe your heaven was all of us at the dinner table or all of us in cribs or dinner with all of us. Sadly, I can’t really remember a time we all ate together. Well maybe some of you did and I know we ate a lot together. I was talking to Kathy about the first place we ate when we got up to Newport that weekend. The Oyster House on Thames. All the dark wood, the dim lights, the wooden tables and chairs and such hood and hearty food. I remember how decompressed we all became after that long ride. I was telling Kathy about how I am pretty calm driving around in big cities. I told her about my first job as a social worker when my boss told me to “go get lost” in the city and then use a map to get around. Also told her about that time Bia had an audition for some acting or modeling school and I drove her up there on a rainy day. That ride was crazy, but we got there quick. I remember leaving from 988 Grant. I think I was living at Darby by then. Her and I drove The Edge up. I remember we got done and the sun came out and it was clear in NYC. I remember just whipping around those streets like the grid of Philly. Being totally calm. Same in Chicago. Grid, easy and fun to run around. And we make that drive through NYC and you’re grabbing the oh shit handle. I can’t remember what car I got with rental points. I think a white or silver Toyota. I remember we played music. Ah, such a fun trip. I wish that could’ve been the “forever” instead of the reality. Man. We sure did get shortchanged, but I am SO thankful we had so much time with you. You were like an endless ball of joy. I am trying to be better. Be more like you. Be more thankful. Be more sincere. Be nicer. Realizing that this life, well, the countdown has been on since I was born. I know you will be here for more good moments. I just miss you. I miss your motherly hugs. I miss being a mother’s son. I miss your voice. I am thankful we have so many pictures and videos of you. I guess I just miss the things that happened day to day. The life we had with you. I wish we did more together. I know we did a lot and probably more than many mothers do with such a large group of children. I guess this isn’t supposed to be easy. 


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