Extra Shrimp

Talking to Kathy last night and I said you would probably come to the door to pay for your Chinese food and look at the guy through the glass and have one hand covering your nose and mouth and barely stick your hand holding the cash and saying, “ooooohhhhhh...I don’t wanna get that corona novel Covid 9 whatever....gimmeee my shrimp fried rice Mista Wuhan Chinese delivery man....keep the change I don’t want to touch it...” We were laughing. In times of panic you were always there to make a funny comment or make light of the situation. I miss that. I would give anything for some of your cooking and conversation. You’re missed so much. 😞 Keep us safe from this insanity.

With all that has been going on in the world, I forgot to add this one to your page. Watch over us. I imagine by now you would've probably called us 170 times worrying. I miss that. You were always looking out for us, not matter what. Heck. You looked out for everyone. Such a helping and caring person. It's hard to see that in the world today. Like who really goes the extra step. A call. A text. A video call. It's also amazing to realize how on our own we also are as well. Like sometimes you're not a part of a team or a group and just wandering through time. I have been staying in, working, resting. Not much fun, but gotta do my part. It has been good to get out for that fresh air. I know you would be hellbent on going to the trailer or the beach. And right now, both sound like dreams. Being cooped up in the house, doing nothing, watching endless TV......it just doesn't feel like "life". It feels somewhat like a prison term as the sun shines and the trees come out of winter. It's great to still hear birds chirping, sounds of cars, laughter. Things I think I took for granted. I watched a few of your videos. Wishing you were still here. Sadly I saw a story of a 29 year old guy from a TV show who lost his mother the same way at 55. 55! Like you, she was the same. The rock, the nucleus, the foundation, the strength. I don't get it at all. My heart goes out to their family. Some part of me says God needs all you strong people. Like he's building some awesome army made up of the best people he finds. Part of me gets that. Part of me does not. Part of me wants to take a long car ride with you. And talk about YOU. Just YOU. Not who you are at work, or home, or whatever. Like your childhood, what your dreams were before we all came along, what did you like doing most, what colors and songs and foods did you like the most. I feel I know some of that and then I feel I don't. I wish I could just ask if you were happy with your life to date. And if you were, what made you happy. If you weren't, what you would change. I still can't imagine raising the 5 of us and actually having such a close relationship with all of us. I realize now why you needed those mid-day naps...those after work naps. Those times to just lay down. You were on your feet so much. Never sitting down to eat until the table was set and our plates were loaded. Always thinking of others. At a time like this and what I see in times past and in the future, thinking of others is sincerely the best asset a human being can be. I hope I can be half as good as you were to people. I know I may fail, but I will keep trying. Your empathy and compassion for others just really make me realize how special you were. I would give anything to hear your voice again. I don't want to wait another 10, 20, 30 years for that. I know that I should be grateful I had it at all. That's just it. We get used to the good in our lives, but we don't congratulate it. The bad, we never get used to it and we rehash it to cleanse ourselves of it. I need to fill that good tank back up and drop the bad tank. I don't see how letting the monkey on my back will help anything. Love you Mom.


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