Something going around...

 As I am sitting here on such a beautiful early June day, I am still getting over a nasty virus. I always would remember how closely you would listen to us tell you about our ailments and if it was a cold, bug, etc, the same would always be said first...."well, there's definitely something going around....(insert local friend's or friend's kid's or grandmother or aunt name) got it bad....." I would have to say this one was as bad as 2009 one, really last time I felt like this. In any case, over the course of the last two weeks, a certain peace settled in to not having to worry about anything, anyone other than us, getting better and just relaxing. I laugh at the thought folks just think life is supposed to be about 40 hours of some job, sleeping, eating. There is just so much more. I was also happy to not have to talk about work with anyone the last 2 weeks. I really don't care. Really, in your 40's, I almost think no one cares what you do as long as you can live your life the way you want. These past few days I had many thoughts of you scooting around in your Corolla, going here there and everywhere, "popping" in to say hi. I also had a recollection of you going on Nicole's boat that time and when you sent me the video of her picking you up I think near Stingers and how much you loved that she cared enough to invite you. Special person. I know her and Anne miss you and think of you. Nicole was like your step daughter. I know you had such great times working with them. It's crazy to think that the people you worked with probably saw you more than we did, but such is life. I sure wish you just stopped working all together when you left the supermarket. I wish you had enough money to do the things you really wanted to do and didn't think you always had to worry. I know that weighed heavily on you. I think a lot when it gets nice. How nice it would be to just take a drive and I did it a few times while I was sick just to get out. For some reason I always think you spent so much time stuck on the Blue Route. That does eat at me. All the wasted time we spend in our lives, especially in cars or in mindless useless jobs or just waiting.....meanwhile, we would beg, borrow and steal for just another hour with you. 

I saw a woman in the Acme yesterday. She looked so much like your sister I actually stopped in my tracks as she pushed her cart in front of me. Same hair color, skin tone, build, even her voice was similar and her personality. It was totally nuts. I think of Kathy often. I think about the last time we really spoke. I think about how she felt fading out of life. I think about how much she is missed and how much we miss her. Her laugh, her "awe man...." Since you've all moved on in life, I think more and more how I just hate being involved in any drama or even near anything that even stresses me out in a bad way. I just think so much time is wasted worrying and it does nothing good for you. 

It was such a nice weekend out to see Kane's game and play with Ace on the jungle gym, come back and catch up with Lisa, Lucy and Ace at Panera, just to enjoy it and capped off by them taking a dip in the pool. Aside from gas and food, all basically free. Being how I felt, I really didn't want to do anything that would be tiring. When I am around the kids I think at how much fun you would be having with them. How much they are missing not having you around. And it's not even where they are, but who they are with. I realize more and more just enjoying these days, moments, mean the most. Not the money, not the things, not the social media, not who is doing what or who has what. At some point, we all leave with nothing. 

I wish you could just walk around our little complex here. It's very peaceful once school is done. It woud've been great to have you at our pool or the pool Bia will end up going to soon. I may join. I think it would be a great outlet to relax, get some sun, and a dip. Oh how you loved the water. During my meditation the other day, the woman was emphasizing to let the waves just crash over you in peace and calm. It took me a little while to get into it, but I did get it eventually. Closing your eyes and standing in the ocean, the waves crashing over you and nothing else in the world really matters. 

I hope wherever you all are, you're by the water, letting the waves crash and go back out. I thought a lot about Pop Pop the other day. His voice. It's been so long since I saw Mom Mom, but her hugs are like yesterday. Most days I cant believe you and Kathy are gone. I wish someone warned me. 

Go Phillieeeeess! I know you would so love our team. Something I also wish we did more of...more ballgames. More tailgates...more time with you. Bobby



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