EeePee Bunny

I joked with some of the girls you’d be saying that in February. You’d be saying “geeeeez….they’re runing right past St. Paddy’s day with all the Easter stuff. Oh how I wish you were here.  Just for some friendly advice and to lend your never-ending support when it was needed most. And a helping hand to those who desperately needed your help; including myself. It has been the longest of winters. Not much snow but lots of cold the last few months. I wanted to go down the shore for some salt air but it wasn’t in the cards. I think of how much free time you’d have as I would have to say by now you’d finally stop working but part of me thinks you’d be doing houses just to keep busy. My mind wanders among the belief you’d have definitely moved out of 988 by now. The neighborhood just ain’t what it was. Driving down Delmar Dr….just not as warm. I would’ve loved to have seen you and Lucy walking to school and back anf passing my apartment. A huge bag of moments you will miss and they will miss you. Getting the chance to read to Ace’s class was great. I imagined you a lot during that drive up. I just realize how much of a laugh you’d have gotten out of Ace in class that day. Few birthdays recently. Celebrations you surely would’ve been a part of. Little gifts and good times. Part of me imagined you at Matt’s to watch the first half of the Super Bowl. I totally know you would’ve loved that. So much great food and Matt and Cindy are always so warm and inviting and it’s a yearly tradition no matter who is playing. I can just imagine you giving Matt a big hug and the “gotta get back to the big 988”. Hahahaha. Working a lot lately after all those months off  but some more changes coming soon. Good ones. I find myself just imagining how many times a week your life unexpected changed. As much as it was routine, it changed so frequently. On your five year I caught up with one of your friends. Imagining you sweeping your alley way during nice spring days before that black asphalt would melt and just stink up the whole street. I remember to take moments to myself and be grateful but also remember to try and be a better version of myself when I can. It is not easy. I find more and more saying sorry immediately saves me a ton of anxiety down the road. I even said it to someone I only speak to about once every 4-5 mos. A simple miscommunication. It’s bizarre how much it helps my heart and my head. It was hard to see Theresa lose her sister but at the funeral met two women who obviously knew you from Darby. They said “oh we are so sorry” I just immediately said “thank you but I’m sorry….its terrible to lose someone at this age in life.” I miss going over to see Kathy. It is like she is still alive, across the bridge but I can’t get to her. I am hardly in jersey if ever. I mean. We will see Dana and the family at holidays. It just feels like Kathy disappeared from our life. It’s sad. As more people lose parents, it never gets easier. I was talking to Meg about the Anny of her mom being 20

Years and it just hurt my heart. I think if anything your death taught us, was to be more empathetic but also try and be more understanding and open to change. Even if it’s the most minute change….change nonetheless. Too funny. Someone reached out to me to sell 245 asbury Ave. I basically told her I never owned that house. I think about your years living down the shore, your times going down, the happiness over having your own spot, then the sadness of not. Part of me wishes pop pop and you never came back to Pa. Just felt like you guys really had a nice deal down there and no drama. All anyone wants is peace and love. It’s corny but that’s all they want. I find myself even running from anyone that might risk my peace. A close friend that always wants to hang out but it will disturb my piece. Stef was joking about how clean you would make things and we all laughed at how dirty our own kitchens are and how you’d be pissed. I said same. I’m like how am I only one person and my kitchen is all messy…..life I guess. Like I said about nanny and her dressing Pop. You want project this image to people. Want the family to be proud. 

I pray that you are at peace and free of drama. I realize even for myself any problems I caused people I say sorry. But then you get to a point and you realize you can alleviate the sorrow by making those changes. And I almost will wall myself in to not bother anyone else’s peace. I get emotional when I think of times you just wanted to hang out, either just anywhere in delco or manayunk. Part of me definitely wishes I never spent so much time living there. Granted between the time I lived off and on at pop pops and coming back from trips, I know it was always good to walk in the door after a long trip. Also happy we got a few good trips out of my points. I’ll never forget you pulling your little floral suitcase across the quad in providence. Haha. And also how bad your feet hurt near the Viking in Newport. We had to stop. I definitely always remember how happy we were when we finally could stop and sit in Newport after driving from providence. Oh how I wish we took Kathy there sooner. Oh my. That first meal at the oyster house. I will have to write about that trip all by itself. 

Getting late mom. Say some prayers for all of us. Send us some love and guidance. Help us right our wrongs and with our wrongs, let them point us in the right direction. Our family has people who are ailing in physical or mental health and I ask that you send healing to us where you can. I welcome your signs. I can’t wait to hop the train and go somewhere that has waves and quiet.