Bleach

I was laughing the other day when I was cleaning my bathroom. I somewhat let it go a whole 2 weeks without being sanitized. haha. you would keel me. Many times I think of you coming to our complex, possibly living here. I know you would've loved it. I know you would love the laid back life here, the breeze, the shade, my little side of the woods over here, Bia's "penthouse" view. it's all just great. Part of me wishes you saw the value in renting. The quality of life value. Legit pay your rent and they take care of everything else. I now have so many friends renting and they love it. Of course you wanted your house by the sea, but who could blame you. We all did. I am really not even certain I will buy where I am. I really just don't know any think about coastal waters. I wish I could've facetimed you from Pralle's daughter Kendal's graduation. It was such an amazing day. A Pralle Day. Haha. No, but for real, just so much love. So great to see Mara, Mark, MaryAnn, Rourke and of course Mr. and Mrs. So much my home away from home. I got there early and helped where I could. Feeling like you, what can I help you with. Such great food and great tunes and good cold drinks. I would look at Mrs. Pralle and be happy and then privately, sometimes, I would get sad. Hoping you could see all of us, but hoping you weren't missing us. I wanted our big family to have this moment, but alas, it was not to be. I made sure to give Mr. and Mrs. Pralle a big hug and hugs to the whole family. It felt good to be around a big group again. Lots of laughs. Minimal drama. hahaha. It was a great day. I was cleaning my apt the other day. Some times it just gets drab and gray, even though I have pictures and things, it doesn't feel alive many days. So I am in there cleaning with the clorox spray and I remembered how you almost broke my neck when I bleached my old wall at manayunk. well I had water with bleach in the bucket and went to scrub it. Boy did you get fired up. "Bobbbbyyyyyyyyyy you cant do that....!!!!!" I remember just laughing like why not, what's it really gonna hurt. You just laughed and said oh my God. You're crazy. The water-bleach mix didn't do much harm and that kitchen smelled great the next few weeks. Life is so very different without you. At this point in life I am less and less worried about what others think of me and more of what I think of myself. I think of many times you held your tongue or just didn't speak your mind and that just has to be the worst thing a person can do. Granted, some things are best kept secret, but I was never good at walking on egg shells. As I continue to age, I am starting to shift gears and focus on other goals in life. Goals that may not align with what everyone expects, but really, is what everyone expects of you what you want in life? I was talking to Chrissy about Newport. The several trips we made up there. The times with Kathy. How at ease you were. I am back to the Delco life. Thankfully not working right now. Well, kinda am. Got caught up on the blue route for 3 hours and went 13 miles as I was trying to get to Kane's TED talk. The whole thing just threw me into a bad day. It made me question where I am supposed to be. And god damn I was like, "this cant be real...." Shut the whole blue route down. When I pass places you may have driven, I think of you. Folcroft definitely isn't what it was. It's hard to look at and I wished you got the chance to move many years ago. Dad showed me those trailers. I think you all would've been very happy there. The village just quiet, but in a way that you're not trying to hang out at night. I saw two buddies as soon as I came into town. Somewhat ironic for a Sunday afternoon. hahaha. Truly nothing I wouldn't give to have you back here with us. Enjoying a sunset in Media for dinner with me, Bia and Lam. Getting to see Lucy and all her crazy antics. She is so smart Mom. So active. So funny. Somewhat wimpy. hahaha. I think of how you never really got to enjoy your only granddaughter. That is something that was truly stolen from you, but then you had a great time with Kane and Ace. Albeit short with Ace. Many times I don't get that. They're missing out so much. They're missing out on walks along the beach with you. I try to make up for it where I can, but it's not the same. Not the same for me. Not the same for them. It just started raining. I look for you. Today I woke up to you peeking down from the steps at 988 and asking me and Dad to come up and see you upstairs. And the ceiling was breaking in half. I woke up scared. I think about you often. I ask for guidance and for you to come and visit. Time sure did fly by....I wish we had so many moments back. For some odd reason I want to just walk with you on the boardwalk, play a few games and have some funnel cake. Life just went by too fast and you were gone. I didn't even get to say goodbye. :(

Some of your peeps...xoxooxoxoxoxoxox






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