Train & Rain

A cold and rainy morning today. I happened to wake up around 545 this morning. Good cause I needed my insulin. I took a little mini vacation to Mystic, CT. Remembered how much I love the ocean and all things close to it. Remembering how that’s been part of my life, my happier life, for so very long. Always coming back to it. On a whim I booked a trip to Mystic, Connecticut. Amtrak had a deal I couldn’t pass up and I really needed a break from Philly cause, well, it’s just about as bad as I can take it with the violence and overdevelopment. Anyhow, took the train up at 6am. Not a soul in the station. Covid really does have tons of people working from home. I was excited to get away and got a spot on a pretty empty train. I was able to doze off and grabbed some sleep after snapping a few early morning pics. 

It bothers me to no end that our creation of memories with you ended that fateful Sunday. It’s just like finishing the last sentence of a good book, but I felt like you had about this whole other chapter(s) to start. A chapter of relaxation, a chapter of no stress (yeah right), a chapter of bliss and a chapter of just smiling watching us all grow into our ever evolving lives. A chapter of you continuing to be that rock for your friends and family. When I woke this morning I grabbed your ashes and asked for help healing my mind, body and spirit. I go to lay down and birds start loudly chirping. A robin had settled on my front awning, by your ashes and was chirping away. I just laughed. I also was grateful. I know you had so much more life to live. A life you wanted to live, explore, change and grow. That’s what makes me sad about the whole situation. I wanted the hole that was left by Pop Pop passing to partially be filled with continuous joy from your “golden years”. Instead, you are there with him, but not with us. The fragility of life is so palpable now. The mortality of us all, so much more tangible. Even more so as I see friends losing parents and placing them on end of life terms and it is truly heartbreaking and something to which I have no answer, no resolve, you can’t just shrug it off and the smiles, well, they are camouflage for a painful frown. The reality of it all no doubt drives me to a place of dreaming and less reality (less bs social media, less me vs you, less materialistic contests) and just what matters. Love and the enduring human spirit of US, but I digress. 

Mystic was amazing. An amazing old seaport village. I stepped off the train and my first foot that landed, was on the street. Not typical of my train travels but what I love about train travel. I could see the ocean from my position and mad a quick dash to it while listening to someone on a work call talk about something I quickly chose to forget. Seeing the ocean made me happy. I took a deep breath in and nice breath out. I was “home”. I saw the hotel was only a mile away so with my backpack in tow, I just walked it. Basically along a busy road but it was a beautiful day and I had nowhere to be. Mystic was amazing to see on a cool March morning. It immediately changed my mood knowing I was away from Philly and most of the constant “grind” or perceived fake grind people say they’re on. I was happy to be exploring. I was happy to think about things that didn’t get me down. 

I will have to write more about the time I spent up there. I wish to could’ve seen it. I know you would’ve liked it, but we probably wouldn’t have walked 10 miles in 2 days, but it felt good. The 50lb pack did not feel good. Haha. 

Love, Bobby 


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