There isn't much...

There isn't much I am going to write right now. I think it's just cause I miss you so very much. I wish you could come and tell us everything will be alright. Even if it wasn't true. I sent Chrissy a bunch of your emails about houses down the shore. I should've jsut grabbed one. I thought we had forever I guess. It just made me so sad reading your emails....about what you wanted to do....how excited you were to have a place down the shore. Even the smallest of places. It didn't matter. I said to someone working at Captain Chuckie's the other day, how much you loved New England. How much Kathy loved RI. I get so sad when I rememeber those times. We had one trip all together. I guess I just miss your overall happiness. I can't solve everyone's problems, I just dont have that power. I just see your emails and laugh. I remember simpler times. I remember how good you were. I get sad. I wish just once I could talk to you before you left us. I think that hurts me the most. I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. I think that's what upsets me. I get sad you thinking you felt you were all alone....leaving us. That's all I can say Mom. I miss you. 




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Falling

Image
In some alternate reality, I am just sitting here with my windows open as the city quiets down and folks on the beast coast enjoy a nice fall night. Someone has a fire pit going in the town and the smoke seems to travel well here. I am pulled back to The Can, to The Biscuit. The smell of dried burning leaves and the world quieting down. Now, maybe more than ever, I know that peace and happiness are so much more valuable than debates and criticism. Somewhere we got caught in the blur of life. I blame technology. Ha. I think about what you would be doing. A relaxing Sunday of visits, a pot of gravy with some ravs, maybe a roast and some veggies. A call to ask me if I want to stop by for dinner. How I thought those invites would never end. How I value your cooked meals filling my belly with nutrients and love and the simple fact you just liked having us over, just liked company. Just liked people. I think about you taking your boxes of fall and Halloween stuff out. I can imagine those tin...
Read more

Check out day

Image
We are checking out of 5528 West Avenue. We have to clean this place and pack everything up. It’s been a nice refuge all things considered. I kind of want to box your room up and bring it to where you will be staying. I know I can’t do that. Last night when Lisa was in there the stuff flew off the closest shelf and the hangers started moving. Maybe you were pissed we had to pack up. The Bible card also flew off the day I was in there...hours after the AC was on. We miss you mom. Please Wake up.
Read more

Up the coast....to Newport.

Image
Remembering our first trip to Newport. I think I was still traveling for work and had good amount of points. I was able to use them to take the train and the first night hotel. I think we went up on a Thursday. We took the train from Philly all the way up the eastern corridor to Providence. We had some lunch on the train. I think I may have worked. It was such a nice ride and a nice day. I remember thinking how much you would enjoy going up through New Rochelle, New Haven and Bridgeport. Especially because the train gets so close to the coast. Like you can literally step off the train and can walk on to the beach. It wasn’t really that sunny when we passed, but it was warm. We got off in Providence. A small station that is kind of like a round house. I remember telling you I didn’t feel well from that lunch. You were like “oh no”. We lugged our stuff to a cab that dropped us off at the Hertz station to pick up our rental and then we were on our way to Newport. I remember you freaking c...
Read more